Author Archives: Mel

Out of the wilderness…my thoughts on the church.

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Posted by Mel on February 1, 2012 – 8:31 pm
Filed under Church, Community

We all have definite opinions about “the church”. I hear them often from people, all manner of people and many different ideas. Religion and church give us much for discussion~good and bad. It has been my opinion for awhile now to not discuss church too much here on my blog. If I do, I prefer it to be in a fairly vague way. I’ve felt that’s been a good policy to have for multiple reasons. Recently, I’ve been drawn to the idea of sharing some thoughts about church. I could go into a huge background about my own personal church experiences starting with VBS at Aurora Springs Baptist Church when I was a child. That’s a memory that is so far away and misty that I can barely call it to mind. So, from that, you know I’ve had a long relationship with church…but not always a good relationship with church.

ekklesia~refers to all of God’s people which he has “assembled” or “gathered” out of the world.

God calls us out of the world to be a part of an assembly of believers.

Why? Do we believe that? That we are called to ekklesia…. I went through a period of time where I did not believe. Maybe, more than one time, if I’m going to be honest.

There’s something to be said about discipleship, it turns around some very bad theology that we pick up from various places and some selfish thoughts and ideas. It makes baby Christians become mature believers. That said, it’s time to talk about church. I have too many people in my life that don’t believe. Oh, they believe in Jesus but not His church. Too many people in my life that have walked away from ekklesia. Something is broken in our thoughts and ideas about church today and lends to a belief that walking away from relationship with God’s people is okay. Hear this….it is not okay. No matter how disillusioned you might be, or heartbroken, or road weary….or just plain pissed off.

One more time~It is not okay for us to hold on to those broken beliefs and it’s something that gets close for me because I’ve experienced all those things.

I’m going to introduce you to the church my family calls home, because I think it’s important. A lot of you have asked and I’ve been fairly vague about discussing church with you. I’m not sure that’s honored God in any way. I’ll give you a little background on this experience. We walked into The Bridge Community Church in Leadington, MO about 3 years ago. After a year of what felt like wandering in the wilderness, we honestly entered the doors of this interesting looking church building exhausted and on our last legs. Disillusioned and broken and lost and me with a huge chip on my shoulder! What a recipe for disaster! Here we go again, is all I could think. But, what else did we have to lose? Seth Durbin was the first person I remember seeing that I knew and he made his way straight to us. We had known Seth for a long time and he was a friendly face on a very rough day and we needed that…and God knew that. I can tell you now that I could never have dreamed the plans that God had that day. See, God was going to take every prideful thing we thought we knew about church and blow them up.

It’s never easy to commit to some iron sharpening iron. It sounds poetic on the page but not so easy to go through. We were uncomfortable there in the beginning. The Bridge does some crazy stuff…like teaching right out of the Bible. Long chapters of scripture read! Really? Who does that? They talked about hell and how our hearts are depraved and sinful from the very beginning of our lives. Didn’t they know that doesn’t make new people feel comfortable?  They encouraged us to go to Conquering Addiction and let God conquer our last hold on our sins. They talked over and over again about disciples making disciples….about going out on mission….about truly being free in Christ. They showered us in huge deluges of God’s love and talked about real people with crazy life changing stories of salvation and redemption. Big thing for me, no, huge thing…I learned about and accepted the truth of forgiveness~given and received. (I promise, Tim, I’ll never forget…20 bucks! )

I don’t know how many people attend The Bridge, I look around and see a lot of people. There’s not too much mention of that. The music’s great but not the focus. Instead we talk about people who are lost, and children and widows not being taken care of….and then we talk a lot about our responsibility in that. We share life with our communities and other churches. There is no air of competition or insincerity. There are constantly new leaders being raised up and new churches to plant. Mission is no longer a “thing” we do, but a way we live. Whether here in our own neighborhoods or across the ocean.  So many other things I’d like to share, but words for another day.

Tim Gray said to me, in the beginning, that I could come to him and say anything I needed to…even if I disagreed with him. That was not off limits That was a huge statement for him to make and me to hear. I knew, then, I might not always be here at The Bridge physically but my heart would always be tangled up here. The Bridge trains us to go and our family has been going…..recently, to Haiti and I really don’t know where that might lead but I know where it started. The church is so much more than what we have made of it here in America. I’ve experienced that in Haiti and at The Bridge. It’s not a place to go to be entertained and made to feel good. In fact, there are some times that it’s hard and not comfortable and hasn’t felt so good. The Bridge takes the church out of the box and goes one step further and blows the box up! When I stand in the middle of those little bit crazy, radical Christians, that remind me a lot of the early church goers, I know without a doubt that this is the way God meant for church to be. Not always safe, sometimes messy, but always seeking to glorify Him.

I’m grateful for servant leaders like Tim, Ben, and Lance. They are by no means perfect or ever pretend to be but always strive to be humble and love God’s people. Which I can only imagine is hard some days. Tim reminds us often that they will be called to give an account someday for what they’ve done along the way. They take that pretty seriously. I’ve watched them come a long way in the 3 years we’ve been there. It makes me realize God’s always working on our lives and through our lives.

If I can say one thing in closing. Don’t give up. Go somewhere, commit to try. Let God work through some of your ideas. It’s not easy but it is important. Take one step on faith and see where God leads you…..because He will lead you, dear one, somewhere you never imagined.  Remember…. He called you……

A Mother’s story…

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Posted by Mel on January 28, 2012 – 12:07 pm
Filed under Community, Jesus, Life, Relationships

My guest writer for this post is very dear to me. I jokingly and lovingly refer to her as the one person that helped me make it through kindergarten! And it is the truth! (That’s a story for another time.) I am honored to know her and share life with her today even long distance. She is truly a woman that loves God and her family; and spends every moment of her life showing that to me and those that are lucky enough to know her. Recently, my friend and I had the opportunity to pray and support Jessie Joy Reese as she battled cancer that, ultimately, ended in Jessie’s victory over cancer and death. We know that Jessie is resting in Jesus’ presence right now, even though we don’t always understand. To my dear friend, Tammy Vogt, this struggle was something very close to her as a mother living life in similar circumstances. I asked her to share a little bit about her family’s story and her heart as a mother. She honored me by saying yes and she honored God by sharing sincerely and transparently her family’s story. May it bless you in the midst of any discouragement or valleys you are walking through.

It is my honor to share my forever friend, Tammy, with you…..

Just a few short weeks ago I watched a celebration service via live webcast for a 12 year old valiant little girl named Jessie.  Tears ran down my face as I heard stories told of this precious young gal who had lost her fight with a brain tumor but won her prize in life as she crossed from this life to life eternal.  I had never met her.  I don’t know her family.  “Why” you ask did I find myself peering in on what should seem like a private celebration of life? Maybe it is because Jessie’s mother’s story could have been mine…

Three years ago March 16th I took my daughter Brenna into the doctor for what we thought was a virus she just couldn’t kick.  She was 7 years old at the time and was a happy fun loving little gal.  She loved to play sports and even this ‘sickness’ couldn’t rob her of playing outside with her friends, but something wasn’t right.  Her coloring was off and she had some strange dizzy spells that would make her nauseous and vomit.  After explaining this to her doctor he looked me in the eye and told me it was probably nothing but suggested we take some blood tests to rule out the ‘big and scary’.  Later that afternoon when the tests results came back we received the news that would shake us to our core and change the course of our lives.
Brenna had leukemia.

Her blood levels were dangerously low and she was in need of an immediate transfusion.  We were told that they were already waiting for us on the fourth floor of St. Luke’s hospital in Boise, ID.  We were to go home, break the news to our other three kids, pack a bag and get Brenna there as soon as possible. I remember that car ride like it was yesterday.  My eyes went from the shock on my husband’s face to my little girl sitting in the back seat who was absolutely clueless of what the word ‘cancer’ meant.  All she knew is that she was sick and mommy and daddy were taking her to the hospital so she could get better.
I looked out the window of the car that day and my whole spirit cried out to God.  I silently wiped the tears, trying not to let Brenna see them.  I thought about asking the question ‘why’ but I knew better than to go there.  There were no answers.  There will never be any answers on why 7 year olds get leukemia or 12 year olds have brain tumors.  People would try to tell me in the days and years ahead that God causes everything to happen for a reason.  I see two things wrong with this statement.  Number one:  there is no reason in this.  It is horrible, not reasonable. Number two: the God I know has a heart that breaks when a child goes through something so terrible…He doesn’t cause it. No, the whole of the ‘why’ is big and black and deep and I knew I wouldn’t make it through this if I let myself fall into it.  I declared then and there that no matter what I wouldn’t turn on my God. I knew I couldn’t make it through what was ahead, no matter what that was, without Him.
That day began a journey of doctor visits and hospital stays.  I watched as Brenna endured test after test, poke after poke, and chemo treatment after chemo treatment. I sat by her bed countless nights and prayed for fevers to break and critical blood levels to rise.  I held her and we cried when her hair began to fall out.  And though my heart broke, I watched in amazement the strength and sense of peace of this little girl of mine.

I asked Brenna recently how she got through the tough times.  She said she got through it with the help of her family, friends and God.  I asked her specifically how God had helped her.  I just wanted to hear what word she would put to her story.  She said, “God told me everything would be okay”.  Being the very curious sort, I asked her how she knew God had spoken this to her.  She stated in her beautiful child like way…she just knew.
And that is how it was. He never left us.  Not one minute. Just like it says in His word:


Hebrews 13:5-6
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.”


I can be honest with you and say that I didn’t always feel His presence.  There were definite times of discouragement.  Definite times where I begged for a sense of peace but just as honestly I can tell you that I never saw Brenna without it.  Isn’t that amazing? Brenna is ten years old now and from looking at her you would never know that she ever endured such a fight.  She still goes back every four weeks for blood checks and won’t be considered ‘cancer free’ for a few more years, yet we can see the healing in her life.
When I heard the news of Jessie’s fight I began to follow her on facebook and prayed for her healing. It wasn’t but a few short days later that she had passed on.  My heart broke for her family.  It just didn’t seem fair that I would get to keep my precious little girl and they would lose theirs.


I still have no answers and it is still not fair. This is a broken world we live in where sickness and disease take lives.  I believe this breaks the heart of my heavenly father and while I still don’t believe He causes such atrocities, I know that He does bring purpose out of them.  This is what He is all about: restoring broken things.  He is a redeemer of life.


Brenna will go on to tell of her story and Jessie’s story will live on to tell of hers.  Both are a story of peace.  Both are a story of trust. Both are a story of two families who know their hope can only lie in one place. And that is with a God who will never leave us and never forsake us.
In Jessie’s short fight against cancer she started an organization called NEGU which stands for Never Ever Give Up.  Her family continues this fight by raising funds for research and encouraging other kids to NEGU.

You can follow Jessie’s story on Facebook and her website.

https://www.facebook.com/jessicajoyrees

http://www.jessie.org/

Life.

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Posted by Mel on January 21, 2012 – 3:48 pm
Filed under Grace, Life

Do you ever find yourself grieving over life sometimes? Not grieving a loss or a failure..but a grieving of this life. I find myself there occasionally!

I am reminded of a friend that prays for patience when it comes to this life. It’s hard to not long for eternity..and when she spoke those words they made perfect sense to me. This friend sees a lot of  life’s darkest moments. We all know that we live in a broken world, a place of darkness and greed. Turn on the news. It is apparent in the lives of the “least of these”. Remember them? The ones that Jesus charged us with taking care of and looking out for. Have we failed Him miserably? Have we failed them? In my recent travels I’ve talked to people who believe that when we love one another we don’t fail, they believe and see hope and a future. They see it more clearly than I am able to some days.

Sometimes, I have to close my eyes.  Sometimes, I cry from all the images and stories. Stories of cultures that slaughter little girls…for no other reason than they were born the wrong gender. Stories of children dying of malnutrition, dying from dehydration, from cholera, malaria, aids, typhoid. Stories of the millions of children that are stolen and sold into the sex slave trade.  Stories of women who are used up and thrown away or used as property or their voices silenced.

It seems like the most heinous crimes of this world are perpetrated against children and women.  Do you see them?

Who are their advocates, their protectors?

Who should it be?

Should it be Christ’s church?

Should it be those that call themselves Christians?

Should it be me…..? ….or you? …..or us?

Mother Teresa gives a very real glimpse through her eyes what this life can be…and I am learning…..

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”

…and only with Christ’s sacrifice, great love, and never ending grace does any of it make sense.

kindness.

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Posted by Mel on January 15, 2012 – 8:42 pm
Filed under Opinions

Kindness is the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behavior, pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

The world’s definition of kindness. It seems generic to me, an afterthought.  It doesn’t seem like it’s very important by that definition. A great idea but a waning concept? How often do we practice kindness in our culture, in our religion, in our every day life? How important is it?  Sometimes it’s hard to see in our culture of “me first” and “our right to have an opinion on anything and everyone”.

I’ve thought a lot about kindness today and how often I have failed at being kind to others. I am often opinionated and judgmental. And all that under the guise of being “right”! I’m finding that being right isn’t nearly as important anymore as being kind and loving. My prayers of late have been part confession and part pleading. I no longer want to see kindness as an afterthought. Or something that’s okay when it’s easy but not okay in difficult circumstances….with difficult people….in the midst of difficult days. God has brought me a long way from that selfish person. Not that I don’t have my moments. My prayers for those “moments” have been for God to take from me any words to say! You might be surprised how often I find myself with no words to say! I continue to be a work in progress.

I think the world’s definition of kindness is lacking. I think kindness has become an emotion that is meant to make us feel good. Paying it forward~ somehow we get something out of it. I think God’s definition of kindness is more selfless.  Romans 2:4 states that God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance. And the ultimate in kindness… But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

I’m reminded in Galatians 5 that kindness keeps good company. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. I think there comes a day for each one of us that we realize without a doubt that we can’t continue with the same old destructive habits. When excuses no longer work and our bad behavior should no longer be tolerated. If we truly believe that the Holy Spirit dwells in our heart…..then…..we can’t profess kindness with our words and not have it pour out of our heart through our actions.

There is brokenness in thinking that professing Christianity is enough. If we don’t practice  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control then our lives are not a true reflection of God’s love and grace. We lose our witness and the world sees us as confusing.

I’ve come to a place in my life where all those things are more important than me being right….and I know that didn’t come from my own power. If you know me at all then you know that, too!

And I hope that reflects God’s love and grace!

So it begins….

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Posted by Mel on January 1, 2012 – 4:44 pm
Filed under Journey

2012! That sends a little shiver of anticipation or maybe even a little anxiety over me when I wonder where we will find ourselves in this new year! So much has happened in the last year. One high school graduation, one college graduation, two trips to Haiti, different job responsibilities, and a whole lot of learning!

Kayla officially became a “grown-up”, graduated college, living on her own, teaching school, working a second job, and buying a car…oh, and hanging out with Joel.

Seth graduated from Fredericktown, started college at MAC as a music major, and continues to work through a lot of what it means to be responsible for himself! We can all relate to that, right?

Miss Em left elementary school and started intermediate school and spent most of the first semester trying to settle into that change. It hasn’t been as easy for her as it was the older siblings. Being our shy one she’s struggled a little bit with getting her feet under her! She’ll figure it out and be stronger for it.

Michael has been busy as ever but I often wonder how he would be any other way! I noticed this past year a focus to that busyness. More purpose toward God’s plan and not ours. Which I have loved seeing and look forward to the NEXT thing!

There was Haiti…and it changed us all. It made us different, it shifted our world focus. It brought us some painful moments and some moments of absolute joy! It has become part of us. I look forward to sharing Haiti with you this coming year!

Many people have passed in and out of all our lives. Some we knew for just a moment, some we will forever be connected with, and some we will not see again this side of heaven.

This year we moved from a Farmington cell family (through our church~The Bridge Community Church)  to a new Fredericktown group that started. We attend this small group weekly with some people that have become very dear to us and we decided as a group that we would start a study on the book of James in December and conclude it at the end of January. It happens to be Beth Moore’s new study of James…..Mercy Triumphs. The guys in our group have been awesome and have even got used to being called “sister” numerous times in an evening. All fun aside….it is changing us all and encouraging us and teaching us. God’s word is mighty, it is a promise, a lesson, it is infallible, it NEVER comes back void, it is everything.

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 (ESV)

Let that soak in for just a moment! What an amazingly beautiful promise. That verse has been read in my Bible more times than I can count. It provides me so much comfort. But it’s not an easy verse by any means. Be joyful when you have trials? Doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense until you experience that verse and you find joy in the midst of pain. It is only something that God can make right in us. It reminds me that God is so. very. faithful. Beth Moore says “you can live with pain a whole lot better than you can live with purposelessness“. I very much agree. The hardest times for me are when I lose my focus, when I forget who’s business I am about, when I have no purpose. She goes on to say often our passion comes out of pain. We find that thing that we are meant for, we find ourselves sharing our story with those that need to hear it! I am reminded of the promise of heaven, the sacrifice of Jesus, and that my time here is very limited. Painful circumstances have taught me to not wait, to go out and LIVE my life now. Not when my kids are on their own, not when I’ve retired, not someday! NOW!

My prayer is that I will love people better this year, that I will seek God first in every decision of my life, that I will serve better. That I will try and possibly fail but I will try. That I will give more and take less. That God will be glorified in every moment of my life!

My prayer for you…is the same! May God’s blessings and purpose and love pour into your life with this new beginning…this new year…..

Tennis Shoes.

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Posted by Mel on November 27, 2011 – 7:35 pm
Filed under Freedom, Haiti

“We prayed for some of the boys who don’t have any shoes to have tennis shoes so they could go to school.” That was the response to my question that day at the orphanage. “We brought some tennis shoes, could we give them to the kids?” I am humbled by that experience. In fact there are moments when I think of that conversation and the tears come and I fall to my knees. I believe that God can do anything. I believe that when we call out to Him in our prayers that He hears us even in the simplest of things.

For those that need him.

But me….I would never think to ask God for tennis shoes. If I need shoes then I go to the store and buy them. See, I live in a strong tower of my own making where asking God for anything only comes when I’ve exhausted all of my own resources. My tower has also protected me from all the messiness of this world. It keeps the people who need a lot of things on the outside of my strong walls. It makes it easy to go about life every day and not think about “the least of these”.

I am broken and confused.

Everything I thought I knew and believed in feels uncomfortable.

God has been tearing down my tower.

I am thankful.

I want to pray for tennis shoes.

I want to pray for little boys who need tennis shoes to go to school.

I want to pray for those little boys to grow up~educated and strong and loving Jesus.

Those prayers as simple as they seem in my western culture…they are mighty prayers that can change lives…that someday will change countries…..through the lives of children who honestly believe all things are possible through Christ.

Through the lives of children not only in Haiti but through the lives of children here in the United States as well. You see~all the shoes we delivered that day in Haiti came from children here in St. Louis at the school our oldest daughter teaches at. They believe that being obedient to God makes a difference. They believe that doing something will help someone. They are correct….I am honored to know them all.

Father~Continue to grow my faith to believe in mighty things! Continue to pour out your love on Haiti…there is hope there! Thank you for tearing down my tower. Wherever you lead, Father, I will follow!

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places.

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Posted by Mel on November 13, 2011 – 8:11 pm
Filed under Journey, Relationships

9 Then when you pray, God will answer. You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’ A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places “If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins,10 If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.11 I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry.12 You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.  Isaiah 58:9-12

I don’t know what it’s like to get up every day and not have the things I need. I don’t know what it is to be hungry, or homeless, or ignored. I don’t know what it’s like to be a mother raising three girls who’s just lost her husband, in a place where life is very hard. I don’t know what it’s like to be sick and not have healthcare. I don’t know what it is to be uncomfortable. I don’t know what it is to make desperate choices so that my children might live another day. My life is easy. I have been really good at insulating myself from those kind of things. Then Haiti happened to our family and then we met Tia our Compassion child and God took off the blinders I had been wearing. Then, not done with opening my eyes,  God sent me to a place that made me uncomfortable and there He gave me joy that I can’t describe. And I don’t ever want to go back to not knowing those things.

Last week I sat across from a mother of three beautiful girls whose husband had just died. She was at the medical clinic I worked and she made sure that each of her three girls were seen and received medicine for what was wrong with them. I noticed the spot on her leg right away. It was infected and it looked like it hurt and I knew it could get a lot worse than it already was. But she never asked for anything for herself, just for the girls, and then she was just going to walk away. It’s funny how God works things out. She was the last person I saw that day. So, we just spent time and didn’t hurry. Unfortunately, communication was difficult, my Kreyol is still very bad.  I was grateful for the translator that was with me that day, he was very kind and patient. We took care of the important business of opening the area and cleaning it well and then showing her how to change the dressing everyday. We made sure that she had an antibiotic and something for the pain. She talked very little but did share that her husband had just died and I know that means things will be more difficult for her family. I saw sadness in her spirit that day. Then we finished with God’s most important business~we prayed together.  I felt grateful that I met her. I felt grateful for my education and what I knew about healthcare. I felt grateful for the opportunities in my life that I can no longer take for granted. But mostly, I felt grateful that God put us together on that mountainside under the beautiful sunshine that day.  I hope I see her again and I pray she is doing well. We saw over 500 people in our medical clinics that week and she was my final person not just that day but for the week. No coincidence.

Please God continue to use my life for your purposes. I know you don’t need me but I’m thankful that you want me. I pray for a full life in the emptiest of places, a life that glows in the darkness. May I never go back only forward. Thank you for Jesus. ~Amen

October…

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Posted by Mel on October 1, 2011 – 1:31 pm
Filed under Freedom, Journey

October 1st already! I read a post this afternoon by a dear friend of mine about her love of October…it reminded me how much I really enjoy fall. Crisp days, cool nights, beautiful scenery and that feeling of slowing down for just a moment. A time to take a breath and look around. What a beautiful feeling fall can evoke! Something about fall makes me ready for change.

I’ve learned to embrace change over my lifetime of bumpy roads and dark nights. Looking back over those years the most amazing times of my life have come through change. Sometimes those “changes” have been bitter and painful. Not always the “blessings” this world tells us we so deserve. There’s this beautiful song that I’ve been listening to a lot lately and it speaks words to my heart that are beautiful and so very true.

Life is always challenging and often painful, but those moments remind me of God’s faithfulness.

He is a good God, a loving God, a just God. He is always the same, he never wavers. There will be moments that we need reminded that God doesn’t ever leave us, that he loves us so much. There will be times that the “aching of this life will reveal a greater thirst….. than this world can satisfy”. Those moments remind us that our treasure is not here on this earth.

But sometimes, we listen to the lies of this world. That we need a life of comfort and security to be truly happy…that it’s okay to blame others and even God when things don’t go the way we think they should. We buy into debates of why bad things happen to good people and why God “lets” things happen to us. Never intending ourselves to face the bad choices we’ve made or the bad behavior we exhibit! My prayer recently has been that I know that the “blessings” of this world are not meant for me….that I look to God for the blessings that he has for me and the knowledge that those difficult times are bringing a change in me I desire…a change that always brings me closer to God! Haiti reminded me that I have much to do before I leave this life and still so much to learn! No time for complacency or ideas for my own comfortable life. In just a few weeks Michael and I will be back in Haiti and I look forward to that very much but I’ve realized that wherever God sends me I will go and whatever he asks of me I will do….. whether that’s in Haiti or here or to the ends of the earth!

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

Blessings by Laura Story

A Wild Ride!

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Posted by Mel on August 21, 2011 – 9:45 pm
Filed under Haiti

This is my “back to school” report of my summer activities. (As I see them!) My roller coaster ride to Haiti!

On June 29th my family and I (minus the oldest Goldsmith child) hopped on a plane in St. Louis and headed to Cap Haitian, Haiti which is on the north side of the island of Haiti, about an hour from the Dominican border. We would be staying in the country exactly 4 weeks. Meeting people and being obedient to the calling God had put on our hearts.

You can google O-cap and find some pictures and youTube videos and written accounts from people who have been there. (O-cap is what the locals call Cap Haitian.) That’s what I did for a week before we left, I “googled” it…and the closer we got to leaving the more I was digging in my heels. See God really knows what He’s doing, He didn’t give us (well, me) a lot of time between everything coming together and boarding the plane to leave. I didn’t get the time I needed to present my case! I was being obedient, I was willing to go…I just needed God to understand there might be some things going on there He wasn’t really aware of. We were taking our children after all! It’s really hard to appear obedient when you’re trying to find excuses to get out of what God has planned. I was trying to dig in my heels but God didn’t give me the time I needed to make that happen!

The trip there kind of felt  like this:

It was kind of like that terrifying roller coaster ride for us “ride chickens”. (If you are one then you already know what I’m talking about.)  Someone talks you into riding, you don’t want to appear “terrified”, so you go ahead and get in line. The entire time you’re in line you’re mind is in hyperdrive  looking for a way out. You know the excuses, “I just ate”, “I’m wearing flip-flops”, “it’s an odd number of people and so and so would have to ride alone”, _____________(insert your own excuse in the blank provided!). Not a problem, you are happy to bow out!  Oh, but no…your friends continue to encourage you. The next thing you know you’re seated, the lap bars down, and the coasters pulling out of the station headed up the first big hill.

CLICK, CLICK, CLICK!

That was exactly the way I felt getting off the plane in Haiti!

CLICK! WHOOOOOSH!

Being in Haiti for a month certainly took my breath away, and changed my heart, and helped me understand a little bit more about what having faith is all about. It drew every emotion out of my body…good and bad. It is a beautiful country with beautiful people who deal with more adversity and pain~ in a single day than some of us will deal with in our entire lives! It is an ancient country with a long history of voodoo and poverty and oppression. BUT there is a supernatural movement of God happening in that country. There’s a light shining there. I felt that everywhere I went. I saw it in the faces of people I met there and talked with. There is hope rising in Haiti. Don’t believe everything you read in a travel advisory!

For me, there is so much to think about and lots of things to process through. I can tell you I left something there, a part of me…..and that’s been hard to wrestle with and understand completely. Our family still has a lot to learn and certainly being there a month wasn’t even close to long enough! We’ll have lots to share over the next few months! Stories and journal entries and photos….and some thoughts on what’s coming next.

I’m glad that I never had time or opportunity to dig in my heels! I’m not saying that the next time it might not feel like a crazy roller coaster ride all over again because it probably will. I’m just considering the idea that it is possible for me to enjoy the ride! Minus the fear and adding in some joyful abandon! That would be….very nice! Isn’t it funny how it’s sometimes the anticipation of the ride that’s really worse than the ride! I wouldn’t trade that month and those experiences for anything. Well, it still feels a little strange to say that…but it’s the truth.

If you see me out and about I’d love to share some stories with you about our trip! And be sure to ask me about one of my favorite “Jesus” moments I shared with a guard at the Cholera Camp I toured. (It’s a much better story in person!)

Grace and peace……

It’s Spring!

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Posted by Mel on April 17, 2011 – 3:07 pm
Filed under Freedom

The “blogger” experts, whoever they are, say that when you’re going to take a break from blogging….that you should just go. Don’t announce it and don’t even schedule it. Just take a break when you’re feeling it.

I’ve needed that break for probably a lot longer than I would admit. A lot of life has happened in the last 5 years! So, in January I wrote a post that was very telling about where I felt God was convicting me and then I just took a break to think about it all.  March was my 4 year anniversary of blogging and I did feel a little compelled that I should blog something to celebrate it  but there were no words….and it didn’t seem very important.  What I’ve needed for the longest time is to just be quiet and listen. I needed to really hear from God and to rest and to stop trying to process every little detail and figure out what it all means! The last 3 months away from blogging have been huge in moving forward. Getting rid of some stuff, putting it in the past where it belongs, and living in the moments we get in this life.  Don’t get me wrong, blogging doesn’t wear me out…necessarily. I just needed the opportunity to heal….my spirit, my body, my emotions. And I was at a point where I was truly out of things to say.

Wow! It’s spring and the time has flown by since January.  I really love this time of renewal. The earth renews itself, which is glorious to watch, and I get that same feeling inside when spring comes. My spirit feels renewed…refreshed…clean. Sometimes the winter seasons of our lives are long (but I think pretty important, also). Isn’t God amazing?…He always knows exactly what we need. Coming out of a winter season into spring feels like pure joy and freedom. I learned a lot from my winter season and wouldn’t trade one tear or one hurt…..because it’s made me realize what is important. It’s not my stuff or my status. It’s something more…

So much has happened in the last 3 months! I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But I can tell you this very definitely…God is so good, awesome, amazing, loving….glorious! I have seen beautiful things! I’m experiencing growing pains with some beautiful people. I am truly humbled that He is breaking my heart for the very things that break His. I still struggle sometimes with some junk. A lot of times it’s pride that trips me up and I pray constantly that God will keep me humble. I realize I can’t do it without Him being in control. I’ve tried a lot to be my own god. To save myself, to save face, to come out the winner.  But – I am truly broken, truly sinful, and my heart is definitely wicked and very deceitful! It loves leading me in the wrong direction.

I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen from right now to the end of this life and that’s okay. I don’t feel worried…sometimes I may be a little fearful but I just plan on leaning on my Father and to keep moving forward. My prayer is that with everything I do I glorify God. That’s it really.  

Enough for now! I look forward to doing a little writing every once in a while and I hope to have some very good conversations with you! Feel free to add anything you like, I’d love to share some ”quiet thoughts”.  

  10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10