Category Archives: Grace

Life.

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Posted by Mel on January 21, 2012 – 3:48 pm
Filed under Grace, Life

Do you ever find yourself grieving over life sometimes? Not grieving a loss or a failure..but a grieving of this life. I find myself there occasionally!

I am reminded of a friend that prays for patience when it comes to this life. It’s hard to not long for eternity..and when she spoke those words they made perfect sense to me. This friend sees a lot of  life’s darkest moments. We all know that we live in a broken world, a place of darkness and greed. Turn on the news. It is apparent in the lives of the “least of these”. Remember them? The ones that Jesus charged us with taking care of and looking out for. Have we failed Him miserably? Have we failed them? In my recent travels I’ve talked to people who believe that when we love one another we don’t fail, they believe and see hope and a future. They see it more clearly than I am able to some days.

Sometimes, I have to close my eyes.  Sometimes, I cry from all the images and stories. Stories of cultures that slaughter little girls…for no other reason than they were born the wrong gender. Stories of children dying of malnutrition, dying from dehydration, from cholera, malaria, aids, typhoid. Stories of the millions of children that are stolen and sold into the sex slave trade.  Stories of women who are used up and thrown away or used as property or their voices silenced.

It seems like the most heinous crimes of this world are perpetrated against children and women.  Do you see them?

Who are their advocates, their protectors?

Who should it be?

Should it be Christ’s church?

Should it be those that call themselves Christians?

Should it be me…..? ….or you? …..or us?

Mother Teresa gives a very real glimpse through her eyes what this life can be…and I am learning…..

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”

…and only with Christ’s sacrifice, great love, and never ending grace does any of it make sense.

The Narrow Door

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Posted by Mel on January 25, 2011 – 10:32 pm
Filed under Grace

A lot of people judge the credibility of Christianity by the way Christians act, by the things they say.

They….people who say they love Jesus.

Christian people.

Me.

We are:

People who will talk love and acceptance but are more comfortable with  judgment and self righteousness. Speak of humility but walk with prideful hearts. People who speak of promised blessings and all things good but then shrug our shoulders when life delivers  pain and suffering. We will talk about building relationships, being authentic and vulnerable but show only masks, smoke and mirrors…..religion.

The American church continues to give mixed signals to people looking for Jesus. They will promise things they cannot deliver. Your best life now! Sure, I guess. It sounds good. But what happens……When people don’t succeed, when they don’t receive blessings, when there’s no “big plan” for their one and only life…then what? Will they think they’ve failed? Will they think they’re being punished? Will they walk away? Or worse yet…will they show up every Sunday and sit in the crowd but never experience true salvation. How will they learn about true salvation and Christ’s sacrifice? How will they know about the narrow door that Jesus’ talks about in Luke 13:22-35?

That was me, I was that person trying to figure out salvation and suffering and this life and how it all fit together. I came from a church background where I believed things people said, because they were people who “knew things”. I didn’t read my bible so you could have told me anything and I probably would have believed it. I believed that God wanted the best for me and I believed God needed me to show up and perform a task “for him” every Sunday. I believed in heaven and I believed in hell for “bad people”. I believed in spiritual gifts but never realized I didn’t have any. I lived in pride, selfishness, and a dark place of anxiety…….but I loved Jesus!  I was constantly trying to find my “purpose” and live the “big dream” God had for my life. But I couldn’t ever figure out what that was and it seemed like He wanted to keep it that way. I wanted relationships and refused to trust anyone. I was broken and stubborn but I would have told you I was “saved”. That my salvation was all tied up. That I was going to heaven. But then I wasn’t sure anymore and anxiety started to eat me up on the inside. I felt something was wrong but it was just a vague, uneasy sort of feeling. There was something…more. So I decided taking medication to numb my emotions and stop the anxiety would fix everything and my doctor agreed.

Then life turned completely upside down. The big hole in my heart wasn’t filled up with any of that stuff or ideas or medicine. I was empty but couldn’t figure out why.  I began to go through all the darkness inside of me. I had to really let Jesus in and I had to learn who Jesus was and what redemption and salvation meant, because I didn’t have a clue.  I guess I’m still going through that process. Reading my bible has changed me. Gospel centered teaching has helped me along the way.

The last couple of weeks have been full of emotions. I’m coming to grips with the fact that God doesn’t need me at all. I’m learning the difference between obedience and my selfish desires. I’ve come to  realize my heart is wicked and deceitful and the only hope I have is for the Holy Spirit to dwell inside me or I will always struggle and make bad decisions. Dying to self and picking up my cross are things that I seem to do daily right now. Then there’s that narrow door that Jesus speaks about in Luke. Mark Driscoll spoke on the narrow door this past Sunday and I had the opportunity tonight to hear that message and it messed me up. It messed me up because I know that was me and it scared me to think that 3 years ago I didn’t know it was me.

22 He went on his way through towns and villages, teaching and journeying
toward Jerusalem. 23 And someone said to him, “Lord, will those who are
saved be few?” And he said to them, 24 “Strive to enter through the narrow
door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. 25 When
once the master of the house has risen and shut the door, and you begin to
stand outside and to knock at the door, saying, ‘Lord, open to us,’ then he
will answer you, ‘I do not know where you come from.’ 26 Then you will begin
to say, ‘We ate and drank in your presence, and you taught in our streets.’
27 But he will say, ‘I tell you, I do not know where you come from. Depart
from me, all you workers of evil!’ 28 In that place there will be weeping and
gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the
prophets in the kingdom of God but you yourselves cast out. 29 And people
will come from east and west, and from north and south, and recline at
table in the kingdom of God. 30 And behold, some are last who will be first,
and some are first who will be last.”

Three years ago I would have told you I had it all together, I knew what I needed to be doing. Today I’m telling you I didn’t have a clue.

Today…..I’m running through the narrow door, no hesitation, no doubt, no more searching. Whatever He asks, wherever He sends me…..I’ll go, I give it all up, lay it all down for His glory, not my own.

It’s not done, there’s more to be said I’m sure. For tonight….it’s all I have. There are no more words. There are some emotions to go through and then hopefully, sleep.

What not to wear?

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Posted by Mel on September 15, 2010 – 7:53 pm
Filed under Grace

(I wrote this post about two weeks ago and it was really strange to talk about almost the exact thing in cell group tonight!! Weird, huh?)

I know what you’re thinking; this is going to be a blog about what I wear. It is absolutely not going to be a blog about that. Well, not so much anyway!! I love the show “What Not to Wear”! I even went through a period of time where I lived Stacy and Clinton’s tips. Ultimately, I realized, it was just another mask I talked myself into wearing. As transparent and authentic as I like to say I live, over the last 5 years I’ve had to peel away some of the masks I hide behind.  Clothes seem to have a protective quality that many of us love to put on. Pretty sparkles, the right purse, great jeans! Before I get hate comments…I have nothing against looking nice. But I am against the zebra print sweater my mom-in-law got me for Easter becoming an idol in my life.

What about Adam & Eve in the garden? Knowing they had sinned what did they immediately look for? The same thing I look for today, a way to cover up sin.  A mask, a fig leaf, a new pair of shoes! It’s to make me feel better right? Certainly seemed like covering up their nakedness was pretty important to them since it was mentioned in Genesis!

7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. Genesis 3:7

They really blew it! I wonder what that moment felt like for them. That moment when they knew fig leaves or no fig leaves they would have to face God with their sin. It had to be the most devastating feeling, complete fear and hopelessness. Hold on…I think that feeling might be a little more familiar than I’d like to admit.

After punishments were handed out all around, what does God do? He does something really awesome and loving. He doesn’t scream at them, kick them while they’re down, and ignore them. None of those things, He shows them love! It’s the littlest things that sometimes have the biggest impact. I love what it says in vs. 21 And the Lord God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife. I can’t even begin to imagine that day and how sad it was for God to send Adam & Eve, His beautiful creations, out of the garden. That little verse has so much love in it. A loving Father stops to make clothes for His wayward children. Not with another fig leaf of shame. No, with clothes that He makes and with love and grace….He covers them! How amazing a picture is that?

How do I really dress? What’s my “style” really like? Style-I don’t have any! I dress primarily for comfort, which I think women aren’t supposed to do, but it works well for me. I do know how to dress nicely on occasion! I just have to be careful that I’m not pulling out my fig leaf or my favorite sweater to hide behind. It is very easy sometimes to let the girlie things of this life overshadow my relationship with God. After going through my “What Not to Wear” phase I learned that no amount of shopping for purses, shoes, fingernail polish, or shiny things were going to make me happy. They weren’t going to make any of the issues I was dealing with go away.

I did learn that God could fill the void in my heart that I was sometimes trying to fill with a zebra print sweater! I’ve realized over the last few months the most treasured possessions I have in this life are ones that I can’t touch or hold in my hands.

I believe.

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Posted by Mel on September 2, 2010 – 2:16 pm
Filed under Church, Community, Grace, Journey

I believe!

For now…..I’m just content to share what’s happening, what I’m thinking, how I’m living, some of the stupid mistakes I make, some of the things I believe in, things that make me smile, things that get me riled up – you get the idea. I’m going to leave you with a few things I believe, this might be a list you want to set down and pound out for yourself and maybe it’ll be something you want to share with someone else.

  • I believe………in grace – not just receiving it but passing it on. I still don’t understand it but I know we all need it and we get it for free. So, I better be extending it freely.
  • I believe………in a God who loves me enough to be tough on me when I need it.
  • I believe………God has a purpose for my life God wants me to glorify him in everything I do.
  • I believe………in following that purpose for my life God, even during the rough moments.
  • I believe………God’s not done with me yet.
  • I believe………in my husband, my kids, my parents, my brothers, their families, my church, my cell family, my friendships.
  • I believe………in learning the most I can from every experience – good or bad.
  • I believe………that iron sharpens iron. (Proverbs 27:17) Still love this one and the people in my life & circumstances that contribute to it.
  • I believe………in the church.
  • I believe………as Christians we should extend love, grace, and compassion to all people & show joy, peace, a longsuffering attitude, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control.
  • I believe………in taking the church to the world and not the opposite-taking the world to church.
  • I believe………as Christians we need to take off the blinders and step out of the bubbles.
  • I believe………that this life will be a journey up mountains and through valleys.
  • I believe………I am never alone.
  • I believe………in a Father who loves me and has great things in store if I will only believe! provides joy even in the midst of some pretty tough circumstances.

I wrote that post what seems like a long time ago. A lot has happened since then! That was May 2009 and it was the beginning of a thaw in my heart. A glimpse of spring and a season of discovery were just around the corner. I didn’t know where I was headed but I knew where I’d been. I’ve learned a lot of things this past year. I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness, both the giving and receiving of it, how to deal with conflict and survive, how to love people and survive! I’m learning a lot about community and how to participate with an open heart. I’m learning to speak into someone’s life in love and NOT with a battering ram! Thank goodness, right? I’m learning where my passions are and things that I really love to do! I’m learning that everything I do has a purpose for His glory.

As I read this list again I realized what I believe has grown stronger as I’ve “grown up” a little. There have been some adjustments in what I believe as I’ve grown. God’s word has a lot to do with what I believe now! It’s funny how things look a little different when you read that book for yourself! I’ve realized that my heart without Jesus is a wicked and deceitful place and that any time I elevate my earthly desires I fall right back into sin.

Some of the circumstances of my life have changed. My attitudes about certain things have changed. My desire to be on mission for God and what that looks like is developing. My willingness to live boldly? Good question! Well it’s coming, and I have a whole lot of learning left to do along the way!! I continue to be a work in progress, but I’m not the same person I was even a year ago. There’s something about grace and faith and taking it all in and then breathing it out that leaves you forever changed!

Did you ever work on your list? Have you pounded out in black and white what you believe? Are you different than you were a year ago? Are you more loving, full of joy, a peacemaker, longsuffering, full of kindness, goodness, & faithfulness? Do you live your life with gentleness and self-control? Where are you on your journey? Are you tired, or bored, or maybe a little sad? Just a friendly little challenge, maybe it’s time…for you to sit down and make that list and spend some time with the one who loves you the most!

The Post that Never Was?

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Posted by Mel on January 16, 2010 – 5:19 pm
Filed under Freedom, Grace, Jesus, Journey, Opinions

Sounds like a great opening line for a Hitchcock mystery! This post was actually going to be titled Joy vs. Happiness when I started thinking about it at 4am this morning. Slept well last night, but couldn’t sleep in this morning…so I got up and headed downstairs where it was quiet. Was going to write my blog post that had been running around in my head since 4am and do some reading in my bible. I’ve been reading a chronological version of the bible and have really liked it so far. I was reading Job but have now flipped back to the middle of Genesis….well this morning I found myself reading in Galatians. Not where I expected to be reading when I opened my YouVersion. The verse I started reading,  I have read it dozens of times without much effect but this morning I read it in every version that YouVersion offered. I was overwhelmed by it.  I liked it very much in The Message…..that is what you see below.

22 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, 23 not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Galatians 5:22,23a

After reading this and the rest of Galatians and James and 1 & 2 Peter I realized I still have a lot of learning left on this journey. It was a moment of self realization that things I struggle with could be overcome. It was promised right there…but where was I in all of this?  First off-I certainly understand the overcoming part couldn’t happen under my power. That seemed pretty simple. The realization came though, that I’m still trying to force “my way” in life. I get glimpses of that life promised in the Galatians passage, but then I find myself in the way again. I constantly say to my kids….how many times do you want me to tell/ask you the same thing? I bet God probably feels that way with me on a lot of days. My biggest roadblock would still be my blazing-hot temper. This is where I ended up next in my bible….

19 Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.20 God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger.21 So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.22 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!23 Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror,24 walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.25 But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.26 Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air.  James 1:19-26

In my mind I can see God working on my salvation-garden. Clearing away all the weeds that are choking out all the beauty that He has planned for it. I see the most vibrant red roses climbing over a beautiful white trellis..and nestled under it all a little wooden bench…dark, green foliage and bright colors all around… beautiful white puffy clouds in the bluest sky ever and the amazing smell of  a warm summer’s day when it’s just rained and you can smell the earth alive. It’s where He & I are going to spend hours talking and planning and laughing and loving. It’s where I am going to learn the things He needs me to know…..so that I’m not glimpsing what God has promised but living right in the middle of it all!!!

I realized He started clearing this garden  a long time ago when I asked Him into my heart…it just took me a little while, as I’ve traveled down this path, to realize it and find it. As I close this post this evening…I was just wondering if you have ever thought about your salvation-garden that God is crafting for you?  Maybe you’ve never imagined it…….or like me never even knew it existed.

My prayers never cease for you….I pray that you continue to find contentment and peace and joy on your journey through this life.