Mel's Quiet Thoughts

Category Archives: Jesus

A Mother’s story…

Posted by Mel on January 28, 2012 – 12:07 pm

Filed under Community, Jesus, Life, Relationships

My guest writer for this post is very dear to me. I jokingly and lovingly refer to her as the one person that helped me make it through kindergarten! And it is the truth! (That’s a story for another time.) I am honored to know her and share life with her today even long distance. She is truly a woman that loves God and her family; and spends every moment of her life showing that to me and those that are lucky enough to know her. Recently, my friend and I had the opportunity to pray and support Jessie Joy Reese as she battled cancer that, ultimately, ended in Jessie’s victory over cancer and death. We know that Jessie is resting in Jesus’ presence right now, even though we don’t always understand. To my dear friend, Tammy Vogt, this struggle was something very close to her as a mother living life in similar circumstances. I asked her to share a little bit about her family’s story and her heart as a mother. She honored me by saying yes and she honored God by sharing sincerely and transparently her family’s story. May it bless you in the midst of any discouragement or valleys you are walking through.

It is my honor to share my forever friend, Tammy, with you…..

Just a few short weeks ago I watched a celebration service via live webcast for a 12 year old valiant little girl named Jessie. Tears ran down my face as I heard stories told of this precious young gal who had lost her fight with a brain tumor but won her prize in life as she crossed from this life to life eternal. I had never met her. I don’t know her family. “Why” you ask did I find myself peering in on what should seem like a private celebration of life? Maybe it is because Jessie’s mother’s story could have been mine…

Three years ago March 16th I took my daughter Brenna into the doctor for what we thought was a virus she just couldn’t kick. She was 7 years old at the time and was a happy fun loving little gal. She loved to play sports and even this ‘sickness’ couldn’t rob her of playing outside with her friends, but something wasn’t right. Her coloring was off and she had some strange dizzy spells that would make her nauseous and vomit. After explaining this to her doctor he looked me in the eye and told me it was probably nothing but suggested we take some blood tests to rule out the ‘big and scary’. Later that afternoon when the tests results came back we received the news that would shake us to our core and change the course of our lives.
Brenna had leukemia.

Her blood levels were dangerously low and she was in need of an immediate transfusion. We were told that they were already waiting for us on the fourth floor of St. Luke’s hospital in Boise, ID. We were to go home, break the news to our other three kids, pack a bag and get Brenna there as soon as possible. I remember that car ride like it was yesterday. My eyes went from the shock on my husband’s face to my little girl sitting in the back seat who was absolutely clueless of what the word ‘cancer’ meant. All she knew is that she was sick and mommy and daddy were taking her to the hospital so she could get better.
I looked out the window of the car that day and my whole spirit cried out to God. I silently wiped the tears, trying not to let Brenna see them. I thought about asking the question ‘why’ but I knew better than to go there. There were no answers. There will never be any answers on why 7 year olds get leukemia or 12 year olds have brain tumors. People would try to tell me in the days and years ahead that God causes everything to happen for a reason. I see two things wrong with this statement. Number one: there is no reason in this. It is horrible, not reasonable. Number two: the God I know has a heart that breaks when a child goes through something so terrible…He doesn’t cause it. No, the whole of the ‘why’ is big and black and deep and I knew I wouldn’t make it through this if I let myself fall into it. I declared then and there that no matter what I wouldn’t turn on my God. I knew I couldn’t make it through what was ahead, no matter what that was, without Him.
That day began a journey of doctor visits and hospital stays. I watched as Brenna endured test after test, poke after poke, and chemo treatment after chemo treatment. I sat by her bed countless nights and prayed for fevers to break and critical blood levels to rise. I held her and we cried when her hair began to fall out. And though my heart broke, I watched in amazement the strength and sense of peace of this little girl of mine.

I asked Brenna recently how she got through the tough times. She said she got through it with the help of her family, friends and God. I asked her specifically how God had helped her. I just wanted to hear what word she would put to her story. She said, “God told me everything would be okay”. Being the very curious sort, I asked her how she knew God had spoken this to her. She stated in her beautiful child like way…she just knew.
And that is how it was. He never left us. Not one minute. Just like it says in His word:

Hebrews 13:5-6
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.”

I can be honest with you and say that I didn’t always feel His presence. There were definite times of discouragement. Definite times where I begged for a sense of peace but just as honestly I can tell you that I never saw Brenna without it. Isn’t that amazing? Brenna is ten years old now and from looking at her you would never know that she ever endured such a fight. She still goes back every four weeks for blood checks and won’t be considered ‘cancer free’ for a few more years, yet we can see the healing in her life.
When I heard the news of Jessie’s fight I began to follow her on facebook and prayed for her healing. It wasn’t but a few short days later that she had passed on. My heart broke for her family. It just didn’t seem fair that I would get to keep my precious little girl and they would lose theirs.

I still have no answers and it is still not fair. This is a broken world we live in where sickness and disease take lives. I believe this breaks the heart of my heavenly father and while I still don’t believe He causes such atrocities, I know that He does bring purpose out of them. This is what He is all about: restoring broken things. He is a redeemer of life.

Brenna will go on to tell of her story and Jessie’s story will live on to tell of hers. Both are a story of peace. Both are a story of trust. Both are a story of two families who know their hope can only lie in one place. And that is with a God who will never leave us and never forsake us.
In Jessie’s short fight against cancer she started an organization called NEGU which stands for Never Ever Give Up. Her family continues this fight by raising funds for research and encouraging other kids to NEGU.

You can follow Jessie’s story on Facebook and her website.

https://www.facebook.com/jessicajoyrees

http://www.jessie.org/

Jesus loves me.

Posted by Mel on November 6, 2010 – 3:48 pm

Filed under Jesus, Life

I love that children’s song.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so!

How many years did I miss that feeling because I never took the time to read my bible? Reading every day has definitely changed the way I feel inside, the way I treat my family and the people around me. It’s made me realize how absolutely lost I’ve been for such a long time. It’s helped me know God and know every word the bible says about Him is absolutely true. It is so unfathomable to me how much comfort pours out of those pages. I love going to Church and hearing the words of that book spoken every single weekend. It never gets old, it never gets boring, it keeps me on the edge of my seat. It makes me ask questions, although sometimes they may seem like really dumb questions…..my husband remains very patient and I appreciate that so much. It grows me and stretches my thoughts and ideas, it compels me to keep moving forward, get off my corner and help all the people in the world…one person at a time.

I never want to take for granted all the things I did before. People matter, relationships matter, loving others and God is the most important. Living on less, giving it away, and going wherever I’m led…..that’s what this life is about. I want to help the least of these that the bible talks about~the widows and the orphans.

I found this wonderful online Bible last Christmas and started reading right before New Years. I’m 310 days into one of the reading plans on the website and I can’t wait to get done so I can start over again. If you are looking for a great program I highly recommend YouVersion.com and if you have a phone or iPod or laptop that allows it you can take this bible with you anywhere and in any version you want to read it in.

I hope you’re not like me and maybe you read your bible all the time. If you do but haven’t heard of YouVersion maybe this will be helpful in some way and if you are like me and don’t read maybe this will help get you started like it did me!! Happy reading!

May God bless you with~ discomfort?

Posted by Mel on November 2, 2010 – 8:42 pm

Filed under Jesus, Journey, Life

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen”

~Franciscan Benediction

A year ago I would have read the words above and thought….a little crazy!! Now I read them and they make perfect sense. In fact they are the very thoughts that run around inside my head all the time . There will come a day in my life that people will possible find me uncomfortable to be around. I don’t know how I feel about that. There is part of me that is a conformer, a rule follower. But there is another part of me that doesn’t care so much what other people think. A side of me that is wildly compassionate and crazily creative. I often have wondered how they have co-existed in the same body all these years. I’m learning the closer I find myself to Jesus the more the rule side diminishes and the other side becomes more passionate and fearless.

I’ve always been 100% sold out for Jesus since the moment of my salvation but there’s something about getting to know him and drawing closer to him that magnifies that about a million times. Reading through the gospel this past year has changed a lot of the ideas I had that were from my own perspective or something I had heard somewhere and believed. A lot of wrong ways of thinking. I find myself relating more and more to John the Baptist these days, a little more edgy and outside the norm! I don’t believe the idea that blessings and prosperity are what we should expect here but I also don’t believe it’s all doom and gloom either. The thing I’ve learned about the bible is there is a lot of both of those things in there. Times to dance, times to cry, times to work….for every moment of this life there is a purpose, a season we go through. When we lean one way or the other on the prosperity/gloom scale we don’t get a very true picture of this life. This life isn’t heaven, if it was why would we ever desire to go anywhere else? It’s also not just waiting to move on to heaven. We have stuff to do here and Jesus was pretty specific about those things. You can dismiss a lot of the bible and as human beings sometimes we do that because it’s a little uncomfortable. But sometimes it invades your entire life so much that you can’t ignore it or escape it.

I don’t find myself getting very excited anymore about certain things. Shopping has lost a lot of it’s luster for me since Michael went to Haiti and brought back all those pictures of babies sleeping on the ground and not having anything to eat. Those are dire circumstances that we don’t face in our house. The worst might be that we have to eat PB&J for a few days before payday. I realized after that trip that I didn’t want to go back to just pretending it didn’t exist and go back to ignoring it. So everything I do right now, everything Michael and I do right now is sending us in a different direction. Not anything we could have come up with on our own or even “dreamed” of in a million years.

I’m almost to the end of reading through the entire bible. I started last December and I’m coming up on the end of it. I realize that I’m really just beginning! I’ll have a lot of reading to keep me busy over the years, it’s not a book you can just read once. I have a feeling every time I read it I’m going to be learning something new about life. I read this passage this week and it’s really one of those passages we like to ignore. It’s uncomfortable and we really just believe it wasn’t written for us, but I think that it was written to anyone that calls themselves a follower of Jesus. What do you think?

16 Now someone came up to him and said, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to gain eternal life?” 17 He said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.” 18 “Which ones?” he asked. Jesus replied, “Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony,19 honor your father and mother,s and love your neighbor as yourself.”s20 The young man said to him, “I have wholeheartedly obeyed all these laws. What do I still lack?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasures in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Matthew 19:16-21

Suffering for doing good?

Posted by Mel on July 29, 2010 – 8:36 pm

Filed under Emilee, Jesus

⁸Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. ⁹Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. ¹⁰For,
“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
¹¹He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
¹²For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

¹³Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? ¹⁴But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” ¹⁵But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, ¹⁶keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. ¹⁷It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. ¹⁸For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, ¹⁹through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison ²⁰who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, ²¹and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, ²²who has gone into heaven and is at God’s right hand—with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him. 1 Peter 3:8-22

Seems like a crummy thought doesn’t it? Suffering for doing good. My Americanized idea~doing good means I get a reward right? I get a prize, or compensation, or at the very least praise! A little scenario played out this morning while at McDonald’s with my youngest. She went to the counter and asked for a bag to be able and take her breakfast with her. After returning to our table the lady behind the counter brought two cookies over and asked if Emilee could have them. She explained that Emilee was so polite and had really good manners and she said that is something rarely seen anymore. (Don’t get me started~that’s a whole other blog post!) Emilee takes all this in and after the lady walks away, Emilee looks at me and says-I’m going to do that more often! I asked if it was so she could get more cookies! She said no, it was because the lady was happy with her and it made her feel good. We’re all kind of like that. We want the recognition that we did good and someone was happy about it. If we don’t get that feedback then somehow we’ve been slighted or insulted. We certainly don’t want to suffer for doing good! I see so many people around me in my life that “quit” doing good because there’s no return. The whole mentality of…then what’s in it for me? If it doesn’t make me happy or I don’t get anything good from it then I’m just not going to do it! I felt like that wasn’t really something I wanted Emilee to think was okay. I wanted her to know that you do good not for the recognition of others but for the blessings that come from our relationship with Jesus and because He calls us to be obedient to His ways. His ways are so much better than our own!!

We were reading in 1Peter last night in our cell group and I was so struck by this particular passage and have read it several times. I need Emilee to understand that her blessings don’t come from this life, but from a Father who loves her more than I ever can. It is so important that I don’t continue with the thought it’s all about my “prizes” that I get for being the best Christian ever. I don’t want to be that kind of example to my children. Sometimes we get so surprised when things don’t go smoothly because we invest so much time trying to be pleasing to those around us and it never turns out the way we think it should! When we’re doing that we forget about the cross and the sacrifice that was made there because of our sin and selfishness.

My prayer is that God continues to strip off my sanitized “rose-colored” Christianity glasses. I’ve realized that this life is not about my comfort and happiness. It’s about being called by my Father to love those around me, be humble, share my faith, and not always be expecting a prize for good I’ve done. May I always recognize the blessings that sometimes come through uncomfortable situations and yes, even suffering.

May I always remember to be thankful…..

Thanks for reading!

Living in freedom,

Mel

The Post that Never Was?

Posted by Mel on January 16, 2010 – 5:19 pm

Filed under Freedom, Grace, Jesus, Journey, Opinions

Sounds like a great opening line for a Hitchcock mystery! This post was actually going to be titled Joy vs. Happiness when I started thinking about it at 4am this morning. Slept well last night, but couldn’t sleep in this morning…so I got up and headed downstairs where it was quiet. Was going to write my blog post that had been running around in my head since 4am and do some reading in my bible. I’ve been reading a chronological version of the bible and have really liked it so far. I was reading Job but have now flipped back to the middle of Genesis….well this morning I found myself reading in Galatians. Not where I expected to be reading when I opened my YouVersion. The verse I started reading, I have read it dozens of times without much effect but this morning I read it in every version that YouVersion offered. I was overwhelmed by it. I liked it very much in The Message…..that is what you see below.

22 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, 23 not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Galatians 5:22,23a

After reading this and the rest of Galatians and James and 1 & 2 Peter I realized I still have a lot of learning left on this journey. It was a moment of self realization that things I struggle with could be overcome. It was promised right there…but where was I in all of this? First off-I certainly understand the overcoming part couldn’t happen under my power. That seemed pretty simple. The realization came though, that I’m still trying to force “my way” in life. I get glimpses of that life promised in the Galatians passage, but then I find myself in the way again. I constantly say to my kids….how many times do you want me to tell/ask you the same thing? I bet God probably feels that way with me on a lot of days. My biggest roadblock would still be my blazing-hot temper. This is where I ended up next in my bible….

19 Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.20 God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger.21 So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.22 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!23 Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror,24 walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.25 But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.26 Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. James 1:19-26

In my mind I can see God working on my salvation-garden. Clearing away all the weeds that are choking out all the beauty that He has planned for it. I see the most vibrant red roses climbing over a beautiful white trellis..and nestled under it all a little wooden bench…dark, green foliage and bright colors all around… beautiful white puffy clouds in the bluest sky ever and the amazing smell of a warm summer’s day when it’s just rained and you can smell the earth alive. It’s where He & I are going to spend hours talking and planning and laughing and loving. It’s where I am going to learn the things He needs me to know…..so that I’m not glimpsing what God has promised but living right in the middle of it all!!!

I realized He started clearing this garden a long time ago when I asked Him into my heart…it just took me a little while, as I’ve traveled down this path, to realize it and find it. As I close this post this evening…I was just wondering if you have ever thought about your salvation-garden that God is crafting for you? Maybe you’ve never imagined it…….or like me never even knew it existed.

My prayers never cease for you….I pray that you continue to find contentment and peace and joy on your journey through this life.

A Letter to Santa…and Compassion

Posted by Mel on November 17, 2009 – 7:19 pm

Filed under Emilee, Jesus, Journey

This evening while helping my 6 year old write her letter to Santa for a school assignment I had the opportunity for a teaching moment about what Christmas really means. I did not realize what her perception of Christmas was, although I thought I knew, until we had a little disagreement over a gift idea. She has wanted a Nintendo DS for awhile now. It happens to be a very expensive item. The deal has always been she would save up money she received so she could buy it, herself.

With Christmas coming she keeps hinting that “Santa” should bring it to her. Daddy and I explained that Santa didn’t bring those kind of gifts since he has a lot of little children to get gifts for. This evening she was adamant that request would go in her letter to Santa we were writing. After realizing she wasn’t going to win on the Santa idea..she changed tactics and said she would ask us to get it for her, as our Christmas gift to her. I told her that would not happen and explained why, but that didn’t set well. She reminded me that Christmas was about her getting the gifts she wanted!!! (All this in a teary, woe is me, my life is horrible kind of dramatic episode.) I was not entirely surprised since she is only 6 years old and right now her world…revolves around her.

At this point, letter writing was paused as we talked about the real reason for celebrating Christmas. That being the birth of Jesus Christ and not the receiving of any & all presents she thinks she should have. I am very aware that Christmas has become a very materialistic, consumer driven holiday. That’s pretty evident since the stores have had Christmas “stuff” out since before Halloween. Which is ridiculous!!! I also realize this push of consumerism has a huge impact on my children. We’ve always tried to keep Christmas giving very low key at our house. No matter our income we have not ever spent a huge amount of money. Michael & I have not exchanged gifts but a handful of times over our last 22 Christmas’ together.

We’ve been talking about becoming a part of an organization like World Vision or Compassion by sponsoring a child for awhile now, this was the perfect opportunity to explain to Em the need of other children in this world. As we looked at picture after picture of little girls her very age, I saw a transformation taking place. It was no longer about what Em could “get”, it became about what she could “give” to someone else. I think that’s one of the best lessons Michael & I can pass along to our children.

Besides outgrowing their clothes and needing them replaced…there is nothing our children absolutely have to have at this moment. Here’s what I do want them to have: I want my children to have a servant heart, I want them to give more than they get, I want them to understand the need of other people in this world! I want them to stand up and do something about the need of other people in this world! I have a feeling this Christmas may be an altogether different experience for the Goldsmith family! What better time of the year to start living our lives in a missional way and continuing that always – and hopefully….. someday passing that along to our children’s children.