Category Archives: Life

In quietness….

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Posted by Mel on April 15, 2010 – 8:08 pm
Filed under Journey, Life

……”In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” Isaiah 30:15


How many times do I find myself fighting and struggling, and sliding right back down that slippery slope? Which slope you might ask? The one where I am forever unsure and always doubting. I have found as I’ve journeyed through life that the farther away I am able to keep God the easier my life is. At least that has always been my perception, which has worked well for making me the kind of Christian that talks about God but never really lived life with Him. I was a great slippery slope kind of gal!! Several years ago I started down a path where I knew that I would never be content to live my life in this parallel way. Always keeping myself in proximity to God but not committing to the hard stuff. I wanted to know he was there but participation was on my terms not his. That makes for a dangerous Christian and not one I wanted to continue to be. If you pray dangerous prayers to God, like giving up everything to follow him..that’s when things really get crazy. Gone are all the comforts of belonging to the right “crowd”, gone is the ability to ignore his voice speaking into your life, and gone are all preconceived notions of people and situations and shiny, earthly things.

I liked being invisible. I liked being a friend to very few and an acquaintance of even fewer. I liked living my life without any emotional inconvenience. I really just liked things going in an even direction with very few bumps. The last few years, how can I even describe these moments? It’s like riding across an African Savannah at 150 miles an hour on the back of a mini-bike hoping you don’t get thrown off in the middle of lion territory. If that makes any sense!!.. and for those of you that have experienced it…it makes perfect sense. It’s a weird kind of transformation, but that’s what the experience has been a transformation.

I’ve always heard people say that God’s gonna love us wherever we are, but he’s not going to leave us there! I’m still not sure how I feel about that idea, I think sometimes he leaves us right in the middle of our wallow in the mud. At least that’s where I found myself for a time. Probably the best thing that could have happened. It teaches you a lot about yourself, about God, about his grace. Suddenly nothing seemed like such a chore anymore-being a friend, being joyful, being obedient, forgiving and letting go, learning to be humble, finding patience, walking in quietness. Learning to listen instead of just talking constantly to fill up the air!!

I don’t want to be the end of that verse in Isaiah. When God is speaking to me promising me amazing things and telling me how to get salvation and strength…I don’t want to be the one that doesn’t get it, that would have none of it. I’m still a work in progress, I’ve learned recently that I will always be that. I’ve learned through circumstances that life here will always be difficult and more than likely a lot of things will happen that I won’t ever understand on this side of heaven. But someday this life will fall away and I’m working on learning what I need to know along the way, to get ready for what comes next.

Here’s to continuing the journey!!


Unbreakable

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Posted by Mel on January 24, 2010 – 10:43 pm
Filed under Journey, Music, Opinions

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight, can’t face me in the light
They’ll return but I’ll be stronger

Those are the opening words to Fireflight’s song Unbreakable. I had the pleasure of seeing Fireflight in concert Friday evening with Winter Jam 2010. Love this song and it’s message. Ever had those people in your life? We all have. What I’ve finally realized about people who accuse me or cause me pain and hurt me….the only thing I’m called to do….is love them. Weird. Yep, it’s just weird. We don’t get to punch them or scream at them or even justify ourselves or our reputation by talking badly about them. We are just called to love them. For me it’s been the ultimate test of whether I take this Christian life seriously. Is it possible to return stronger after a painful experience or to  just fall back into my old ways? ….of not trusting, of guarding my heart, of withdrawing. I stand before you and I say….wait, I scream- Yes!!! It is absolutely possible and I am living proof that God can redeem any experience. I am proof that you can learn and you can have joy through all things and you can dream again.


God I want to dream again, take me where I’ve never been
I wanna go there, this time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried out to God that I want to dream again! I’m so ready for whatever is coming next! God’s filled my heart with His Word and pointed me in the direction He has for me. He’s shown me that He doesn’t leave me and He’s refining me and He’s preparing me. Painful times will come and what will I choose to do? Will I want to take back control, will I fear? Faith is moving without knowing…I love that line. That’s exactly what I plan on doing. I’m just going to keep moving. I’m moving through life now without all the baggage and the fear. When you hear the words God can change anyone from the inside out…I hope I come to your mind. I hope I’m able to show with my actions and not my words that I am indeed forever changed.

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see to reach my destiny?
I want to take control but I know better

I’ve used fear as an excuse…a crutch. But it is no longer my goal to arrive safely at the end of my life. It is my goal to live life boldly, without reservations, risking it all. Sometimes my biggest fear is just simply of failing. As I’ve gotten to know me better and definitely as I’ve leaned into God and His plans I’ve realized how silly that seems. If I never fail- how will I ever know if I’m headed in the right direction, how will I ever learn what He needs me to know? The time for worrying about what other people think , or fitting comfortably into what is acceptable to the masses-it’s over. It’s so over! I’m living for the acceptance and judgment of One. That really is all that matters.

Forget the fear it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

It’s getting late and I need to go spend some time with someone who shares my dreams. My question for you….where are your dreams, not dust I hope, and what could you accomplish if fear was erased from your life? Could you step out of the group and dare to be different, dare to be free, dare to live your dreams….dare to do that one thing…..live that one secret dream that swirls round and round in your thoughts? Crazy talk , right? Are you sure? Maybe it makes more sense than what you would let yourself believe……

The Post that Never Was?

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Posted by Mel on January 16, 2010 – 5:19 pm
Filed under Freedom, Grace, Jesus, Journey, Opinions

Sounds like a great opening line for a Hitchcock mystery! This post was actually going to be titled Joy vs. Happiness when I started thinking about it at 4am this morning. Slept well last night, but couldn’t sleep in this morning…so I got up and headed downstairs where it was quiet. Was going to write my blog post that had been running around in my head since 4am and do some reading in my bible. I’ve been reading a chronological version of the bible and have really liked it so far. I was reading Job but have now flipped back to the middle of Genesis….well this morning I found myself reading in Galatians. Not where I expected to be reading when I opened my YouVersion. The verse I started reading,  I have read it dozens of times without much effect but this morning I read it in every version that YouVersion offered. I was overwhelmed by it.  I liked it very much in The Message…..that is what you see below.

22 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, 23 not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Galatians 5:22,23a

After reading this and the rest of Galatians and James and 1 & 2 Peter I realized I still have a lot of learning left on this journey. It was a moment of self realization that things I struggle with could be overcome. It was promised right there…but where was I in all of this?  First off-I certainly understand the overcoming part couldn’t happen under my power. That seemed pretty simple. The realization came though, that I’m still trying to force “my way” in life. I get glimpses of that life promised in the Galatians passage, but then I find myself in the way again. I constantly say to my kids….how many times do you want me to tell/ask you the same thing? I bet God probably feels that way with me on a lot of days. My biggest roadblock would still be my blazing-hot temper. This is where I ended up next in my bible….

19 Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.20 God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger.21 So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.22 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!23 Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror,24 walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.25 But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.26 Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air.  James 1:19-26

In my mind I can see God working on my salvation-garden. Clearing away all the weeds that are choking out all the beauty that He has planned for it. I see the most vibrant red roses climbing over a beautiful white trellis..and nestled under it all a little wooden bench…dark, green foliage and bright colors all around… beautiful white puffy clouds in the bluest sky ever and the amazing smell of  a warm summer’s day when it’s just rained and you can smell the earth alive. It’s where He & I are going to spend hours talking and planning and laughing and loving. It’s where I am going to learn the things He needs me to know…..so that I’m not glimpsing what God has promised but living right in the middle of it all!!!

I realized He started clearing this garden  a long time ago when I asked Him into my heart…it just took me a little while, as I’ve traveled down this path, to realize it and find it. As I close this post this evening…I was just wondering if you have ever thought about your salvation-garden that God is crafting for you?  Maybe you’ve never imagined it…….or like me never even knew it existed.

My prayers never cease for you….I pray that you continue to find contentment and peace and joy on your journey through this life.

A Letter to Santa…and Compassion

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Posted by Mel on November 17, 2009 – 7:19 pm
Filed under Emilee, Jesus, Journey

This evening while helping my 6 year old write her letter to Santa for a school assignment I had the opportunity for a teaching moment about what Christmas really means. I did not realize what her perception of Christmas was, although I thought I knew, until we had a little disagreement over a gift idea. She has wanted a Nintendo DS for awhile now. It happens to be a very expensive item. The deal has always been she would save up money she received so she could buy it, herself.

With Christmas coming she keeps hinting that “Santa” should bring it to her. Daddy and I explained that Santa didn’t bring those kind of gifts since he has a lot of little children to get gifts for. This evening she was adamant that request would go in her letter to Santa we were writing. After realizing she wasn’t going to win on the Santa idea..she changed tactics and said she would ask us to get it for her, as our Christmas gift to her. I told her that would not happen and explained why, but that didn’t set well. She reminded me that Christmas was about her getting the gifts she wanted!!! (All this in a teary, woe is me, my life is horrible kind of dramatic episode.) I was not entirely surprised since she is only 6 years old and right now her world…revolves around her.

At this point, letter writing was paused as we talked about the real reason for celebrating Christmas. That being the birth of Jesus Christ and not the receiving of any & all presents she thinks she should have. I am very aware that Christmas has become a very materialistic, consumer driven holiday. That’s pretty evident since the stores have had Christmas “stuff” out since before Halloween. Which is ridiculous!!! I also realize this push of consumerism has a huge impact on my children. We’ve always tried to keep Christmas giving very low key at our house. No matter our income we have not ever spent a huge amount of money. Michael & I have not exchanged gifts but a handful of times over our last 22 Christmas’ together.

We’ve been talking about becoming a part of an organization like World Vision or Compassion by sponsoring a child for awhile now, this was the perfect opportunity to explain to Em the need of other children in this world. As we looked at picture after picture of little girls her very age, I saw a transformation taking place. It was no longer about what Em could “get”, it became about what she could “give” to someone else. I think that’s one of the best lessons Michael & I can pass along to our children.

Besides outgrowing their clothes and needing them replaced…there is nothing our children absolutely have to have at this moment. Here’s what I do want them to have: I want my children to have a servant heart, I want them to give more than they get, I want them to understand the need of other people in this world! I want them to stand up and do something about the need of other people in this world! I have a feeling this Christmas may be an altogether different experience for the Goldsmith family! What better time of the year to start living our lives in a missional way and continuing that always – and hopefully….. someday passing that along to our children’s children.