Category Archives: Relationships

A Mother’s story…

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Posted by Mel on January 28, 2012 – 12:07 pm
Filed under Community, Jesus, Life, Relationships

My guest writer for this post is very dear to me. I jokingly and lovingly refer to her as the one person that helped me make it through kindergarten! And it is the truth! (That’s a story for another time.) I am honored to know her and share life with her today even long distance. She is truly a woman that loves God and her family; and spends every moment of her life showing that to me and those that are lucky enough to know her. Recently, my friend and I had the opportunity to pray and support Jessie Joy Reese as she battled cancer that, ultimately, ended in Jessie’s victory over cancer and death. We know that Jessie is resting in Jesus’ presence right now, even though we don’t always understand. To my dear friend, Tammy Vogt, this struggle was something very close to her as a mother living life in similar circumstances. I asked her to share a little bit about her family’s story and her heart as a mother. She honored me by saying yes and she honored God by sharing sincerely and transparently her family’s story. May it bless you in the midst of any discouragement or valleys you are walking through.

It is my honor to share my forever friend, Tammy, with you…..

Just a few short weeks ago I watched a celebration service via live webcast for a 12 year old valiant little girl named Jessie.  Tears ran down my face as I heard stories told of this precious young gal who had lost her fight with a brain tumor but won her prize in life as she crossed from this life to life eternal.  I had never met her.  I don’t know her family.  “Why” you ask did I find myself peering in on what should seem like a private celebration of life? Maybe it is because Jessie’s mother’s story could have been mine…

Three years ago March 16th I took my daughter Brenna into the doctor for what we thought was a virus she just couldn’t kick.  She was 7 years old at the time and was a happy fun loving little gal.  She loved to play sports and even this ‘sickness’ couldn’t rob her of playing outside with her friends, but something wasn’t right.  Her coloring was off and she had some strange dizzy spells that would make her nauseous and vomit.  After explaining this to her doctor he looked me in the eye and told me it was probably nothing but suggested we take some blood tests to rule out the ‘big and scary’.  Later that afternoon when the tests results came back we received the news that would shake us to our core and change the course of our lives.
Brenna had leukemia.

Her blood levels were dangerously low and she was in need of an immediate transfusion.  We were told that they were already waiting for us on the fourth floor of St. Luke’s hospital in Boise, ID.  We were to go home, break the news to our other three kids, pack a bag and get Brenna there as soon as possible. I remember that car ride like it was yesterday.  My eyes went from the shock on my husband’s face to my little girl sitting in the back seat who was absolutely clueless of what the word ‘cancer’ meant.  All she knew is that she was sick and mommy and daddy were taking her to the hospital so she could get better.
I looked out the window of the car that day and my whole spirit cried out to God.  I silently wiped the tears, trying not to let Brenna see them.  I thought about asking the question ‘why’ but I knew better than to go there.  There were no answers.  There will never be any answers on why 7 year olds get leukemia or 12 year olds have brain tumors.  People would try to tell me in the days and years ahead that God causes everything to happen for a reason.  I see two things wrong with this statement.  Number one:  there is no reason in this.  It is horrible, not reasonable. Number two: the God I know has a heart that breaks when a child goes through something so terrible…He doesn’t cause it. No, the whole of the ‘why’ is big and black and deep and I knew I wouldn’t make it through this if I let myself fall into it.  I declared then and there that no matter what I wouldn’t turn on my God. I knew I couldn’t make it through what was ahead, no matter what that was, without Him.
That day began a journey of doctor visits and hospital stays.  I watched as Brenna endured test after test, poke after poke, and chemo treatment after chemo treatment. I sat by her bed countless nights and prayed for fevers to break and critical blood levels to rise.  I held her and we cried when her hair began to fall out.  And though my heart broke, I watched in amazement the strength and sense of peace of this little girl of mine.

I asked Brenna recently how she got through the tough times.  She said she got through it with the help of her family, friends and God.  I asked her specifically how God had helped her.  I just wanted to hear what word she would put to her story.  She said, “God told me everything would be okay”.  Being the very curious sort, I asked her how she knew God had spoken this to her.  She stated in her beautiful child like way…she just knew.
And that is how it was. He never left us.  Not one minute. Just like it says in His word:


Hebrews 13:5-6
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.”


I can be honest with you and say that I didn’t always feel His presence.  There were definite times of discouragement.  Definite times where I begged for a sense of peace but just as honestly I can tell you that I never saw Brenna without it.  Isn’t that amazing? Brenna is ten years old now and from looking at her you would never know that she ever endured such a fight.  She still goes back every four weeks for blood checks and won’t be considered ‘cancer free’ for a few more years, yet we can see the healing in her life.
When I heard the news of Jessie’s fight I began to follow her on facebook and prayed for her healing. It wasn’t but a few short days later that she had passed on.  My heart broke for her family.  It just didn’t seem fair that I would get to keep my precious little girl and they would lose theirs.


I still have no answers and it is still not fair. This is a broken world we live in where sickness and disease take lives.  I believe this breaks the heart of my heavenly father and while I still don’t believe He causes such atrocities, I know that He does bring purpose out of them.  This is what He is all about: restoring broken things.  He is a redeemer of life.


Brenna will go on to tell of her story and Jessie’s story will live on to tell of hers.  Both are a story of peace.  Both are a story of trust. Both are a story of two families who know their hope can only lie in one place. And that is with a God who will never leave us and never forsake us.
In Jessie’s short fight against cancer she started an organization called NEGU which stands for Never Ever Give Up.  Her family continues this fight by raising funds for research and encouraging other kids to NEGU.

You can follow Jessie’s story on Facebook and her website.

https://www.facebook.com/jessicajoyrees

http://www.jessie.org/

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places.

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Posted by Mel on November 13, 2011 – 8:11 pm
Filed under Journey, Relationships

9 Then when you pray, God will answer. You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’ A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places “If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins,10 If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.11 I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry.12 You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.  Isaiah 58:9-12

I don’t know what it’s like to get up every day and not have the things I need. I don’t know what it is to be hungry, or homeless, or ignored. I don’t know what it’s like to be a mother raising three girls who’s just lost her husband, in a place where life is very hard. I don’t know what it’s like to be sick and not have healthcare. I don’t know what it is to be uncomfortable. I don’t know what it is to make desperate choices so that my children might live another day. My life is easy. I have been really good at insulating myself from those kind of things. Then Haiti happened to our family and then we met Tia our Compassion child and God took off the blinders I had been wearing. Then, not done with opening my eyes,  God sent me to a place that made me uncomfortable and there He gave me joy that I can’t describe. And I don’t ever want to go back to not knowing those things.

Last week I sat across from a mother of three beautiful girls whose husband had just died. She was at the medical clinic I worked and she made sure that each of her three girls were seen and received medicine for what was wrong with them. I noticed the spot on her leg right away. It was infected and it looked like it hurt and I knew it could get a lot worse than it already was. But she never asked for anything for herself, just for the girls, and then she was just going to walk away. It’s funny how God works things out. She was the last person I saw that day. So, we just spent time and didn’t hurry. Unfortunately, communication was difficult, my Kreyol is still very bad.  I was grateful for the translator that was with me that day, he was very kind and patient. We took care of the important business of opening the area and cleaning it well and then showing her how to change the dressing everyday. We made sure that she had an antibiotic and something for the pain. She talked very little but did share that her husband had just died and I know that means things will be more difficult for her family. I saw sadness in her spirit that day. Then we finished with God’s most important business~we prayed together.  I felt grateful that I met her. I felt grateful for my education and what I knew about healthcare. I felt grateful for the opportunities in my life that I can no longer take for granted. But mostly, I felt grateful that God put us together on that mountainside under the beautiful sunshine that day.  I hope I see her again and I pray she is doing well. We saw over 500 people in our medical clinics that week and she was my final person not just that day but for the week. No coincidence.

Please God continue to use my life for your purposes. I know you don’t need me but I’m thankful that you want me. I pray for a full life in the emptiest of places, a life that glows in the darkness. May I never go back only forward. Thank you for Jesus. ~Amen

Happy Anniversary, sweet Michael!

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Posted by Mel on August 12, 2010 – 12:00 am
Filed under Journey, Love, Michael, Relationships

Remember that day? What a crazy time! We’ve had a few of those in our life together. Looking back over 23 years of marriage I realized I wouldn’t trade a moment-good or bad. I just wanted you to know on this “Friday the 13th” that I love you more today than I did that day a long time ago. Is that bad to say? That I love you more now than I did then. If anyone would understand that you would! We were such kids..there were lots of things I didn’t know back then that I had to learn along the way. Thank you for being so patient with me all these years.

I’m looking forward to whatever comes next and wherever we go from here. I’m so excited as we’re learning and sharing what it means to love Jesus and love people and follow Him wherever he leads. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than right in the middle of this crazy life with you and  I couldn’t let this day pass without telling you…..

Happy  Anniversary &  I love you so  very much!

Quiting Christianity?

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Posted by Mel on August 1, 2010 – 7:41 am
Filed under Church, Relationships

Ever had that feeling? I have certainly been in some situations where that seemed like a great idea! Recently, Ann Rice-famous vampire writer & Christian, has “quit” Christianity. It’s been all the talk on some of the blogs I frequent and as always some of the feedback has been very rotten. Which lends great credence to the message I think Ms. Rice is trying to get across.  We can certainly be a negative, judgmental group and the recent blog comments debating and judging Ms. Rice’s actions unfortunately don’t make Christians look like Jesus. I had that moment of wanting to walk away, of wanting my own personal relationship with Jesus to not be muddied or disrespected by fellow Christians. I’ve learned a lot from those moments and came through them realizing I needed very much to be a part of a healthy community of believers & that not all people who wear the label Christian are truly Christians. (But that’s not my job to judge other people’s hearts….even though I have been guilty of doing just that!)

If I could say anything to Anne, it would be this:

Dearest Anne,

I was so sorry to hear that you have quit Christianity, I know that feeling as I also have had that same thought in the past. It seems when you love Jesus so much that everyone else that calls themselves his disciple should feel the same way you do. I couldn’t understand the negative comments and the tearing down of people that became so evident the closer I became to God’s people. I lived many years on this earth without God in my life and when I found Him and loved Him and I felt his love for me I was 100% gone. I was never the same again but what I began to realize is some of the Christian people around me didn’t feel the same way I did! How could they when some of the things coming out of their mouths were so vile? I found myself becoming more and more judgmental of these fellow Christians!  During a dark night in my own life when I was ready to give up on Christianity I found myself clinging to this Scripture.

36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

I imagine that Jesus knew how very hard it was going to be to “love one another” and I think he knew that we would need that constant reminder. It would be really easy to just love the people in life who are loveable & nearly impossible to love those we judge as not worthy. Through the words and teachings of some amazing disciples of Christ I would realize that I could not say I loved Jesus but not love everyone, even those that call themselves Christians although their actions might tell another story! My own sin was standing in the way of a full and joyful life. See I let my own pride get in the way of loving others. My biggest failing was I could love God’s broken people but I didn’t equate the “religious” people around me as broken. I very stubbornly and proudly labeled them as idiots, who really didn’t get what it means to love Jesus. Pretty harsh, huh? What I now realize is we all wear the label “broken & sinful” no matter how much we act like we have it all together! Little did I know that God would cut my heart so deeply that I would never be the same. Out of this moment of sadness in my life something amazing and life changing has happened. My energy now is better directed in following God’s commandments and helping the lost and lonely in this broken world…..and loving just as He loves me!

So, Anne…please don’t give up hope! Christians are a rowdy, crazy bunch of people…..zealous and overbearing at times but God hasn’t given up on us and I hope you reconsider. I pray God sends you loving and humble people during this time. Who knows maybe you’ll change your mind? I know I did!!

Living in freedom,

Mel

Great Expectations!

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Posted by Mel on January 11, 2010 – 7:02 pm
Filed under Love, Relationships

Great Expectations!

Sorry, I know you may have been “expecting” a book review on Great Expectations! I really do like books and writing reviews, but this is not about a book. This post is about life….my expectations of this life and how they don’t always make sense.

I’ve realized over a period of time and some life lessons that my expectations of others and for my life are way too high at times. I am very good at grading every moment and person with a pass/fail grade.  Maybe this is something you can identify with….

  • Putting people on pedestals and expecting them to stay there; having grand ideas when it comes to their character and how they should act.
  • Expecting to control certain parts of life: how it should go, what it should be like, what should be received related to how hard I work.

Okay…maybe that’s just me!  It became a default for me…I could put moments in my life and people in the #fail category. Just like a twitter post….this person did this, #fail…..life didn’t go the way I was “expecting”, #fail.

I read recently that a world-wide study ranked people in Denmark as the most content population in the world. When one citizen was being interviewed a reporter made the comment that people from the United States would be moving there in droves. The man responded that Americans would just be disappointed.  When pressed by the reporter on why people were so content….the man said…we have low expectations. It bears thought that lower expectations might translate to less disappointment.

Being disappointed leads me to frustration and then my old friend-anger-always shows up. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I think most people don’t like being disappointed. I think I can count that as being a true statement. What is different? The way people handle disappoint. Some people are able to handle it with a whole lot more grace than others. I wonder if that’s related to personality, where you are in life, or just how you relate things to your life? Or, could it be about expectations?  Do American’s have expectations that are too high? All things I’ve been contemplating.

I’m glad that I’ve made some adjustment in my life-to not run but to stand and face my demons head on….and talk about them to people who value me as a person. It’s never easy to talk about where you fail, but talking with someone you know-who loves you and has your back and who you trust….that’s a really good thing. As 2010 unfolds my hope is I learn to “lower” my insanely high expectations and break the destructive cycle of disappointment into anger. I understand I couldn’t do any of this without God and His desire for a relationship with me. Oh, and that wonderful thing called grace.  I hope that He finds me delightfully wacky and I am grateful for the joy I feel even in the midst of some of life’s harder moments!

Here’s to Friends!

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Posted by Mel on November 14, 2009 – 11:10 pm
Filed under Community, Family, Relationships




Friends…

A Friend ~ is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today.

I have come to a moment in my life where I have been compelled to examine my friendships – past & present….. what does friendship mean to me and how willing am I to be the type of friend that is present in someone else’s life. Through numerous experiences I have come to the realization that friendship means a lot of different things to people. After a lot of years of “friendship lessons” my definition of friendship has evolved. I think a friendship must always be willing to go deeper and it has to be healthy. There has to be a lot of love, quite a bit of sacrifice, and sometimes friendship will become just plain, old uncomfortable. Then there’s always the challenge of doing all of this in the midst of sharing your life, dreams, and ideas with one another.

I had found myself falling into the belief that because I know someone and we share similar likes and are living life in close proximity that means friendship. That doesn’t always mean friendship….. but it can mean some absolutely amazing experiences of life in community. I truly love the people in my life that I share community with, they make me laugh, we share moments, we pray for one another, but we don’t always know one another very well. We may have a lot of acquaintances but they don’t always translate to friendships.

Friends should know about the details of your life. They are the person you could call in the middle of the night, sob your eyes out with…that person that is willing to search the darkest recesses of your heart and soul with you. They are the person that sticks around no matter what happens, has your back, and after soul searching expeditions with you – no matter what they may find loves you even more. And when things get really bad they are the first person there and they stay through every situation all the way to the end. That’s usually the sign of a true friend…when the dust settles and you look around it’s the people still standing there with you, covered in the same dust as you, that you can count on as friends.

To be honest I have found those kinds of friendships in my life, but I realized to keep them I needed to work harder at letting those friends know they were important to me. I understand now to make those relationships mature I have to put in a lot of effort on my side. Work, kids, busyness can push away friendships. There have been people in my life that I have been close to for a season but for whatever circumstance they just slip away.

I had some serious life lessons happen over the last couple of years. Moments of reflection on who I am, what my relationships looked like with my husband, my parents, my children, the church, God. I can’t say I’ve loved every moment but I’ve learned quite a bit. This past week I was challenged more than I could ever imagine….when it came to my friendships. I do have the involvement of a handful of women in my life that I would consider lifetime friends. Just recently God got my attention in a very big way to help remind me not to let the busyness of life push them away. I had the privilege to be with a friend during a very difficult moment in her life…it was a moment to show her through actions…. how much I cared for her.

I have come to the realization that during the most difficult moments in life God is working on refining my character. I realized a long time ago that God uses each one of life’s circumstances as a teaching & often a disciplining moment. I look forward to what’s coming as God continues to work on my heart when it comes to the women in my life….all of the women…my family, my friends, my acquaintances. God’s plans for us are never small or insignificant. The things He has been laying on my heart recently fall right in line with where my passion is.

Amen and yes to whatever is coming next!! Here’s to friendship!!!

Oh yeah……Have you called your friend today?


This Crazy Life

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Posted by Mel on October 15, 2009 – 8:05 pm
Filed under Michael, Relationships

A crazy life…we’ve all got one!! Ever have one of “those” kind of days in your crazy life? It’s okay, you can admit it…..we all have “those” kind of days as well! I have been blessed with a couple of “those” days this week. You know what I found myself thinking about this evening when I finally got home from work around 10? Of course, I’m going to tell you!

I was thinking…….

It’s times like these that make me think…..man, I should really listen to my husband more often!! (Shhhh, that’s just between you and I!) Actually, I do listen to him quite a bit more than I used to. After 22 years of marriage I’ve learned a lot about him and his character and how he treats others. I’ve seen most of his best and his worst moments. I have no hazy romantic illusions about him. I have something better – a long marriage of shared experiences – some good and some bad. Because of all those years of sharing life and raising kids – I have a whole lot of trust with him.

So, he gets all my tough days and stressful situations dumped right in his lap. I respect him and value his opinion. He has some really good words sometimes and when I do listen to him…I am able to gain a little perspective. He has this crazy ability to see the best in every situation and every person. No matter how dire the circumstance or painful the situation he never really gets too excited. I know there have been moments in his life that were painful moments, I have been there for many of them and some of them I probably caused -I’m sure. He is one of the most resilient people I know – he forgives easily, he never really worries. I think what I’ve noticed the most over the last year is this amazingly strong faith he has. I really can’t even explain it and he never talks about it but I see it every day. I know just what you’re thinking right now, there is something that this woman wants her husband to buy her!! I promise that is not what’s going on. I’ve found flattery gets me nowhere…especially with Michael!!

But, I do have a point to all of this “flattery”…I promise!

I had a situation come up recently and I, of course, worried it to death. I know that may surprise some of you who know me really well!! I do find myself to be a little bit of an emotional over-thinker. (Those of you that are one will completely understand and the rest of you will think those of us that are probably need a little “extra” professional help.) In these life moments I get completely caught up in thinking the worst and then I get caught up in my emotional response. Michael’s a great friend to have in these moments because he will always challenge your thinking. If there is a spiritual gift for that then he definitely has it. Sometimes his “challenging” can be…extremely challenging! ….and in the past I’ve had a hard time being so challenged – in fact, I responded very appropriately by becoming very defensive! Lately, instead of becoming defensive I’m learning to calm down and really listen to what he has to say. If I go into stressful situations thinking about some of the things he challenges me with – things that ultimately have made me look outside of my “me” mentality and see someone else’s perspective – I’ve found these moments turn out much better than I had anticipated. He reminds me of how I do not want to come across. See – he knows my heart very well and even though sometimes my intentions are good, my mouth can get in the way and mess it all up.

If there is one person in my life that kicks my tail about learning from life’s most challenging moments…it’s my dear, sweet, funny, handsome husband. I came home tonight feeling like life is such a roller coaster….one second is horrible and the next is fantastic…AND I realized I am never going to get to know what’s coming next. No matter how hard I try to predict the outcome of situations I am mostly wrong. That just doesn’t seem quite fair… and aren’t surprises really overrated anyway. BUT all that being said…it goes back to the one thing Michael says to me all the time – the only control I have over any situation is how I act and react to what is happening. That’s it – really – pretty simple. So, I’m grateful for a husband that loves me enough to continue challenging me and who wants to see the best for me on this journey. It’s good to have a partner that’s “got your back” but it’s even better to have one that’s not going to leave you to wallow in your own bad behavior.

So…do you think about….who’s speaking truth in your life? Are you listening? Did God place someone there and you’re not having any part of it? Are you like me..a little stubborn and you think you’ve got it all under control? I’ve found trying to control everything in life can be very dangerous and will probably at some point backfire on you.

My prayer for you tonight is that you are hearing that person in your life that loves you and has your best interest at heart. God knows us and He also knows that sometimes changing our bad behavior takes a lot of effort on our part and we are going to need a lot of help. We have to be willing to participate and learn from our mistakes and grow in our spiritual life. However, I don’t think He expects us to do it all by ourselves….that’s why He puts certain people in our lives. You’ll know these people… by the way they love you and the way they invest in you and a lot by the example they set in their own…crazy life.

As I get ready to close I can’t help but be reminded of that tag line from the Jon & Kate Plus 8 episodes. You know the one…. “It may be a crazy life, but it’s our life!”

I realize that even though I’ve had a couple of “those” days this week…..I wouldn’t want to trade my crazy life for anyone else’s!! And..Michael just so you know – thanks for kicking my tail when I need it and don’t ever stop challenging me to see beyond my own little world.