This guy doesn’t really pull any punches, seems pretty honest….this post – very timely. The words of his blog are oddly familiar to me and make me vaguely uneasy. What’s that old saying? Pride goes before a fall? I’m pretty stubborn, okay I’m really stubborn…but I don’t usually struggle with pride. I make too many mistakes to get away with that!!! (I do have some other struggles I’ll talk about later.)

I have watched someone else over the last few years slide headlong into a struggle with pride. Do you think people who struggle with pride ever notice? (I guess it’s not a struggle if you don’t acknowledge it!) Or is it just obvious to others? I’m not always much for conversation but I’m great at observing human behavior. If you see pride – in action and words – do you think it’s your place to point it out or do you think it’s better left up to God? It must be important to God if it’s mentioned more than once in His book…..

James 4:6

6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.”

1 Peter 5:5

5Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
“God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.”

My daughter is struggling with anonymous comments on her blog. She views it as a form of cowardice and has a hard time reconciling it in her mind. When we talked about it – I reminded her that someone that is investing in her life would want to have an open conversation with her – they would leave their name. The point I’m trying to make (which may seem clear as mud right now) – if my motives are not to invest in another person’s life – then it’s better to keep my comments to myself? SO – If you see someone having a pride issue or any sinful issue do you point it out? Is it even our job? Where’s the fine line between helping and “casting the first stone”? How do you approach it? Any opinion or thoughts on this? Any scripture that comes to mind? (Ddawg, I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this.)

I’ll share my thoughts a little later……

Yes, I did go to church in my pajamas and no one seemed to care!! (Emilee went in her PJ’s, too!) I had time to sit down this evening and watch a NewSpring message video, It’s Midnight, Now What?. Sometimes you just need God to speak into your life, exactly where you are at that moment, exactly where you’re hurting. This message from Perry talks about – what else….trouble in your life. It certainly spoke to this family’s “moment” in life. Over the last couple of months we’ve experienced lots of emotion some anger, disbelief, sadness, frustration, fear, I could probably go on forever. I’ve even experienced some “what in the world is God doing” moments. (That would definitely be my way, not Michael’s. He’s my eternal optimist and his glass is always half full never half empty!) As I listened to what Perry had to say I find myself slowly regaining some balance – God and I have been talking more lately. I’ve realized I’ll learn to trust relationships and people again without having to go through years of struggling to understand. The difference in my life now has a lot to do with this amazing relationship I experience with a loving Father. What I’ve come to understand through all of this – God’s never left us, He makes His presence well known.

So, I know we all struggle – we all experience trouble in our lives. This message will speak to your heart if you are having your own “moment”. I cried, you’ll cry – you won’t be able to keep from it. But I hope when you get to the end (and it’s long so hang in there) you’ll be able to say – God is so good……

This post continues to help with some of the issues I’m struggling with. Michael and I talked some about finding perspective in the middle of chaos while on a little road trip together today. I think slowly you gain some peace about any situation – whatever it might be. I don’t think the idea of what happened to our family has gotten any easier but the dealing with it gets a little easier every day.

Someone yesterday mentioned the vagueness surrounding the “sadness” I have talked about in my recent blog posts. I’ve purposely kept things vague in order to keep some peace around our family. (Especially as chaos and rumors have swirled around the community.) As I’ve started to examine my own heart and motives I’ve definitely been prompted by God that I can’t judge the heart and motives of others. (Whether I agree or disagree.) Over the next few months I will share more details of what has occurred and how it has changed me, my family, and my friendships. I’ll share how I view life now versus before; and how it will forever change my opinion about how “church” is being done. I’ll also tie together all of the “issues” that I’ve talked about and what my struggle has been with each one.

I’m a messy, complicated person!! (So is Michael!!) Today has been sort of a milestone in the craziness of our summer’s end, a door has slammed shut and the big unknown awaits. I received very good advice from a dear, sweet man today – he reminded me it was time to close this chapter and move forward. Don’t keep looking back, he said. I respect this guy and his wife about more than I do anyone – I’ve watched them face adversity and challenge – I’ve watched them care about people and actually put their words into action. They are both an example to me and I have taken his advice very seriously. I’ve thought about it a lot this evening and I’ve probably shed more tears than I have for several weeks. He has our best interest at heart, no ulterior motives, and he loves our family….

Our lives have been topsy turvy!! Right now I expected my husband to be gearing up for a new ministry season – I expected to be serving on my ministry team and deciding what I could do with visual arts that would be new and “innovative”. (I like that word!) What I didn’t expect was to be without a church home or for that matter that my husband would be without a job for the past 8 weeks. I didn’t expect to answer question after question about “what happened”. I didn’t expect “what happened” to happen. I didn’t expect people to disappear from our lives and I certainly didn’t expect to become invisible. I didn’t expect to know what being “shunned” feels like. (In case your curious – it feels like crap. That’s the best word I could use and keep it G-rated.) That’s a lot of expectations that weren’t “expected”!!!!

……….On a side note – shunning – don’t ever participate in that kind of behavior – it’s not okay. I’ve had to go to some people that used to attend church with us and apologize for participating in that same kind of behavior a few years back. They graciously forgave me but I still have that crummy feeling about my participation and the pain it caused them. To be honest; I’d rather be on the side of it I’m on now then ever participate in that behavior again. It’s ugly and it doesn’t honor God in any way!! My advice once again speaking from both sides – if you find yourself in this situation run far away and don’t participate. Remember loving people is what honors God!!………

It’s moments when your life takes a complete turn in direction that you’re left wondering what’s God got to do with any of this? Michael and I felt like a big life change was coming this year….I don’t think this is exactly what we were anticipating. I’ve experienced loss of direction, I’ve lost friendships, and lost a lot of respect for some people. I’ve been faced with the realization that if I was going to truly live the life I love to talk about here that I would have to forgive those same people for their participation in this situation. I also would have to look inside myself and examine my own issues. I’ve known for a while now that we are all messy people, even those of us that try the hardest to look like we have it all together. I’ve struggled with the thought, “will God still use my life even if people throw me away or don’t think I’m good enough”? I’ve struggled with that A LOT lately. Many of you understand the “being thrown away” feeling from your own life experiences. But I still hold to the belief that God uses our greatest sadness for His glory. It’s in those moments we learn the most about Him and about ourselves. So to answer my own question: Absolutely – God desires a relationship with me – He won’t turn His back – won’t treat me like I’m invisible – He’s still got plans for me. I’ve been giving one group of people way too much credit for my relationship with God. My relationship with God is not contingent on their approval of me. Not only does God desire a relationship with me, but I desire a loving, close relationship with him.

I know it’s time to take back my life, dear friend, your words today spoke volumes. I’ve already started with the littlest steps. I love it when people admit to being “messy”, I think that’s when they are most willing to let God work through them. I love the “messy” people in my life, they speak to my heart, they are kindred spirits!! It’s time for healing and it’s time to work on forgiveness. Another great friend said to me the other day – I attended a church that taught about honoring God and loving people. She went on to say – I’m always going to do that!! I learned those same principles right from God’s word taught by a little Baptist church, in a little town in SE Missouri. A church that God chooses to use to connect with people. He chooses to use that church in spite of their brokenness just like He chooses to use me – this messy, broken daughter of His. So in the immortal words of Robert Frost – we are choosing the path less traveled and hopefully it will “make all the difference” in our lives!!

So tonight I’ll challenge you with this thought: What are you holding onto that you need to let go of? What’s blanketing you in false security? What have you become complacent about? Where are your “expectations”? Are you lined up with God’s will for your life? Do you truly desire God to rock your world? It might not be what you “expected”! Look deep, because like me you might find some “issues” yet to deal with!!!

One of the blogs I frequent is Anne Jackson’s – flowerdust.net – she has a lot of good things to say and reaches out to a lot of people with her blog. (You can access Anne’s blog here.) Today she’s asking for help with the current situation in Louisiana, you can read all about it if you follow my link. She has a link on her website where you can order your tarp without even leaving your house. I’m clicking over to send my tarp….I’ll challenge you guys to do the same. They need them by Friday, so no time to waste. It’s something so simple but would help them greatly. If you send a tarp, leave Anne a comment. If you’d rather just chip in some money Anne’s got instructions on her blog how to do that. She’s also asking people to repost this on their blog….so, if you have a blog – you know what to do.