Mel's Quiet Thoughts »

The Narrow Door

January 25, 2011 – 10:32 pm

Grace

A lot of people judge the credibility of Christianity by the way Christians act, by the things they say.

They….people who say they love Jesus.

Christian people.

Me.

We are:

People who will talk love and acceptance but are more comfortable with judgment and self righteousness. Speak of humility but walk with prideful hearts. People who speak of promised blessings and all things good but then shrug our shoulders when life delivers pain and suffering. We will talk about building relationships, being authentic and vulnerable but show only masks, smoke and mirrors…..religion.

The American church continues to give mixed signals to people looking for Jesus. They will promise things they cannot deliver. Your best life now! Sure, I guess. It sounds good. But what happens……When people don’t succeed, when they don’t receive blessings, when there’s no “big plan” for their one and only life…then what? Will they think they’ve failed? Will they think they’re being punished? Will they walk away? Or worse yet…will they show up every Sunday and sit in the crowd but never experience true salvation. How will they learn about true salvation and Christ’s sacrifice? How will they know about the narrow door that Jesus’ talks about in Luke 13:22-35?

That was me, I was that person trying to figure out salvation and suffering and this life and how it all fit together. I came from a church background where I believed things people said, because they were people who “knew things”. I didn’t read my bible so you could have told me anything and I probably would have believed it. I believed that God wanted the best for me and I believed God needed me to show up and perform a task “for him” every Sunday. I believed in heaven and I believed in hell for “bad people”. I believed in spiritual gifts but never realized I didn’t have any. I lived in pride, selfishness, and a dark place of anxiety…….but I loved Jesus! I was constantly trying to find my “purpose” and live the “big dream” God had for my life. But I couldn’t ever figure out what that was and it seemed like He wanted to keep it that way. I wanted relationships and refused to trust anyone. I was broken and stubborn but I would have told you I was “saved”. That my salvation was all tied up. That I was going to heaven. But then I wasn’t sure anymore and anxiety started to eat me up on the inside. I felt something was wrong but it was just a vague, uneasy sort of feeling. There was something…more. So I decided taking medication to numb my emotions and stop the anxiety would fix everything and my doctor agreed.

Then life turned completely upside down. The big hole in my heart wasn’t filled up with any of that stuff or ideas or medicine. I was empty but couldn’t figure out why. I began to go through all the darkness inside of me. I had to really let Jesus in and I had to learn who Jesus was and what redemption and salvation meant, because I didn’t have a clue. I guess I’m still going through that process. Reading my bible has changed me. Gospel centered teaching has helped me along the way.

The last couple of weeks have been full of emotions. I’m coming to grips with the fact that God doesn’t need me at all. I’m learning the difference between obedience and my selfish desires. I’ve come to realize my heart is wicked and deceitful and the only hope I have is for the Holy Spirit to dwell inside me or I will always struggle and make bad decisions. Dying to self and picking up my cross are things that I seem to do daily right now. Then there’s that narrow door that Jesus speaks about in Luke. Mark Driscoll spoke on the narrow door this past Sunday and I had the opportunity tonight to hear that message and it messed me up. It messed me up because I know that was me and it scared me to think that 3 years ago I didn’t know it was me.

22 He went on his way through towns and villages, teaching and journeying
toward Jerusalem. 23 And someone said to him, “Lord, will those who are
saved be few?” And he said to them, 24 “Strive to enter through the narrow
door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. 25 When
once the master of the house has risen and shut the door, and you begin to
stand outside and to knock at the door, saying, ‘Lord, open to us,’ then he
will answer you, ‘I do not know where you come from.’ 26 Then you will begin
to say, ‘We ate and drank in your presence, and you taught in our streets.’
27 But he will say, ‘I tell you, I do not know where you come from. Depart
from me, all you workers of evil!’ 28 In that place there will be weeping and
gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the
prophets in the kingdom of God but you yourselves cast out. 29 And people
will come from east and west, and from north and south, and recline at
table in the kingdom of God. 30 And behold, some are last who will be first,
and some are first who will be last.”

Three years ago I would have told you I had it all together, I knew what I needed to be doing. Today I’m telling you I didn’t have a clue.

Today…..I’m running through the narrow door, no hesitation, no doubt, no more searching. Whatever He asks, wherever He sends me…..I’ll go, I give it all up, lay it all down for His glory, not my own.

It’s not done, there’s more to be said I’m sure. For tonight….it’s all I have. There are no more words. There are some emotions to go through and then hopefully, sleep.

Words to say.

January 20, 2011 – 6:00 am

Community, Journey

I have something to say but no words to say it. It is a secret. Words escape me tonight. A part of me doesn’t know how to say it out loud; maybe I don’t really want to say it out loud. It will change things; it will leave me forever changed. But I was changed a long time ago. I’m not afraid to tell you I love Jesus with all of my heart. If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written you already know that.

That’s not my secret, but this is:

I will follow Jesus wherever He asks me to go.

Michael and I feel the same on this, of that I’m sure. There have been plenty of conversations over the last ten years as we’ve shared this journey. Ten years of learning what faith is and how it will see you through the darkest times. Ten years of finding out the best and worst parts of loving people. Ten years of figuring out that God desires our complete obedience in all things. I wouldn’t trade a moment of the last ten years. I wouldn’t be who I am right now; I wouldn’t even know what it means to truly glorify God if it weren’t for all those things. Hard lessons taught me how to look to God first in all I do and taught me life is about so much more than I thought.

The story of the rich young ruler in Matthew 19 keeps coming to my mind tonight. Every time I read this passage I think about Jesus saying to the young ruler, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” It’s the word “complete” that jumps out at me. A lot of people will pass right over that scripture without another thought. That scripture holds me captive. I believe what it says. I’m tired of living the “American Dream”. It’s an empty promise. We deserve that “blessing”, right? Just a lie that we placate ourselves with.

Six months ago our ideas about people and life and relationships really changed. They changed the day Michael stepped off a plane in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. He would never be the same. Our family would never be the same. God cut our hearts, opened our eyes to the fact that there is much to be done. It’s with those thoughts on our minds we’ll be returning to Haiti this summer.( Michael, Seth, Emilee and I will be spending the month of June in Haiti helping Growing Hope for Haiti.) I want my children to know more about the world. I want them to grow up loving people more than they love cell phones and iPods. I want them to be willing to give everything up to follow Jesus. I want them to realize loving Jesus and reading their Bible isn’t as complicated as we make it sometimes.

I think it’s pretty simple. God calls us to love and honor Him in all we do; He calls us to love one another and to help those in need. Not complicated!

Michael’s blog will have his thoughts on Haiti and what God’s speaking to his heart. You can read his thoughts here. He will also have details on how you can partner with us on this part of our journey, whether that is with your prayers or giving financially to help us get to Haiti. We’ll be updating as we get ready for our trip and I hope you’ll check back often. Thank you so much for being present in this moment with us.

Catalyst: What is that?

January 4, 2011 – 8:38 pm

Journey, Opinions

Catalyst 2010 Atlanta, Georgia

That word~ catalyst~ it keeps coming up. I read it different places. It’s bouncing around in my brain. I’ve heard it used when sometimes describing people and sometimes describing events.

I had the opportunity to attend the Catalyst Leadership conference back in October and there it is again-big as life over the front door. The opportunity to attend Catalyst came at the last possible second as I wasn’t originally expecting to go. Coincidence? Nope, I don’t think so! It was a wonderful experience and I learned a lot from people who have some really good words to say. TD Jakes’ conversation about “getting off the corner” had me in tears! I wasn’t expecting that! Francis Chan’s excitement was contagious. Such joy! (I think that guy knows something we all better hope we figure out!) Watching Gungor perform was AMAZING! So much talent and so unique. I met Anne Jackson; author, blogger, and a very awesome lady. What an experience as God continues to unravel this messy ball of humanness that is me.

I’ve reflected a lot on that experience and it’s been one of the things that has been a catalyst for me in some circumstances. But I still wasn’t sure I had a very good grasp on what exactly it means. So, I thought I’d look up the definition of catalyst so I would have a better understanding. (If you’ve been around here very long you know how much I adore definitions!)

cat·a·lyst

–noun

1. Chemistry . a substance that causes or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.

2. something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.

3. a person or thing that precipitates an event or change: His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution.

4. a person whose talk, enthusiasm, or energy causes others to be more friendly, enthusiastic, or energetic.

I think it’s good I finally looked that up…because it’s not really what I thought. Maybe you guys can help me work through this idea a little bit. I know there’s a lot of you that think about these things. Okay, so what do I absolutely know? Looks like a catalyst is “something” that causes “something” to happen without itself being affected; and it’s “something” that causes an event or a change; and I like #4 the best. In fact, let’s talk about #4 for a moment. I like that one, it’s very “nice”. It makes me feel good and if I “become” that (#4) it could make me feel important? Maybe it’s good that I don’t think I’m that. I think of words like…sinner, redeemed, covered by grace, authentic, lover of Jesus and people…when I think of me. I really like the idea of a catalyst happening in my life and I know when that happens it’s important for me to do something, to not be complacent…to recognize it for what it is….to know that it can help transform me. Like Jesus transformed me and continues to transform me. I continue to be a work in progress!

In closing, I have to say I feel some concern about the word now that I’ve looked up the definition. Sometimes there will be people in the world around me that are a catalyst but that’s not always a good thing. (Think Hitler.) I’m sure some people who are considered to be catalysts don’t always have the best intentions or really know what could happen. Like me as a “catalyst”……not a good idea..I have a tendency to be prideful! That’s something I’ve been talking to God about. I pray often for Him to surround me with people who understand humility. They are a great example!

Catalyst conference was great and I learned a lot that I really think I needed to learn. So catalyst as an “event” was great. A person who is a catalyst? I’m going to have to think about that a little bit. I also have to be careful about putting more focus on what people think and do than on Jesus, in the past I had that pretty messed up.

I’d love to hear your thoughts……

(You can visit my Facebook page to see the rest of my Catalyst photos. I have to say some of them are pretty blurry!)

Jesus: Author of relationships

December 31, 2010 – 11:28 am

@stickyJesus, Books, Reviews

@stickyJesus

file 03

I came to show you how.

Chapter 3 leads me to shaky ground. The one thing I fear the most and crave the most all at the same time. RELATIONSHIPS! What a crazy idea…or so I used to think!

I have very clear memories of my childhood and being “afraid” of people. I think most of my family would say I was “shy”. I viewed the world from the back of my mom’s pant leg for a lot of years. It was my haven from all those people and situations that I didn’t feel comfortable with. It was something I would tell you I overcome as a teenager! I was free from shyness! Actually, people who meet me as an adult would never use the word shy to describe me. Strong willed, with definite opinions, who’s not afraid to state the obvious-that might be some things said about me now. Yet my heart and the most personal part of my soul remained “fearful” well into my adult life. People can wound you, people will wound you. That played on a loop in the back of my head for a long time. That fear makes for a crummy friend. I was able to start building relationships but when that fear would start to build then I would bail! I couldn’t afford another broken heart.

That was until I met Jesus! It wasn’t an immediate change. It’s actually been a 10 year struggle as I’ve taken back control of my life over and over again. The world according to me and my earthly desires. It wasn’t until I realized that the hole I had in my heart could only be filled with God and his love for me. That’s when I stopped looking to everything else in my life to fulfill me. That’s when God cut my heart in a way that would forever change me. That’s when God opened my eyes to a whole world of lost and dying people. That’s when “me, me, me” didn’t seem quite as important. I occasionally look at the Melissa from before as a reminder but I don’t let myself dwell in those times for very long because that is no longer the Melissa that writes these words.

I’ve realized over the last few years as I’ve built a relationship with Jesus (or maybe better-He continues to build one with me!) that the fear starts to disappear. I feel it being replaced with a peace I don’t really understand and won’t pretend to understand! I’ve learned a couple of things….like~ you are going to be hurt by people AND this whole life-it’s not all about me anymore. I suddenly find myself looking first to my relationship with God in everything I do and I have learned that when I do that no matter what hurt comes my way~I feel it differently than I used to. I don’t ever carry it alone. Does that make any sense? I hope so!

As I read this chapter I realized that if I never truly open my heart to all that God has for me then I will never truly live in the full blessings He has planned for me. (And I’m not referring to the shiny things of this world. Refer back to Chapter 1!)

Chapter 3 reminds me that we are called to relationships. That is ultimately what Jesus has shown me with His life and also called me to do with my life….build relationships. What a glorious calling~to live in authentic community with others. Enduring all things and sharing what little we may have. I realize that sharing of life may be in face to face moments or in moments here on a blog, Facebook, or Twitter.

I’m thankful this moment that Jesus did “come to show me how”.

You can read more thoughts here…..

@stickyJesus read along.

Jesus: the stickiest story ever told

December 31, 2010 – 10:15 am

@stickyJesus, Books, Reviews

As I’ve been reading the book @stickyJesus I realize that things happen at certain times because it’s exactly what you need in that moment. I have been “online” for many years. I’m not sure what I’ve learned in that amount of time. Sometimes it’s just been a blur with not much progress, I’m afraid. This book was something I needed. I was at the end of knowing what else to do or in what direction to go from here. Was it time to stop? Then this book and these people showed up in my life. It has become a new beginning. It’s renewed my passion for writing and given me a lot to think about.

In Chapter 2 I realized my world has changed so much since becoming a member of the online community. I love the interaction of people from different places and cultures. I love meeting people I would maybe never known. “Even a word as simple as friends has been amended from people you might invite to your wedding to people you wouldn’t recognize if you ended up shipwrecked together.” That statement is very true of the world I find myself in today.

I also realize more than ever I have something to share. A story about a Savior that took someone like me and forever changed me. It’s a very big story and very important to me. I have people in my life that need to hear that story and I need friends in my life to help empower me to tell it. I appreciate the opportunity to be apart of a community that right now, in this moment, is looking for the same things I am.

You can follow @stickyJesus’ blog here and I think you’ll be glad you did.

(I found myself a week behind with this post but I didn’t want to go on to wk 3 without posting this! Thanks for understanding…as this holiday season has been a little hectic.)

Here We Go!!!!

December 17, 2010 – 12:44 am

Books, Journey, Women

I’m reading a new book and I’ll be sharing a little about it each week. (If you’re interested in reading along I’ve included the link to the website just click on the title below.)

@stickyJesus: How to live out your faith online.

Is that even possible? How do I make that a true statement in my life? I do spend time online, I write a blog, I “tweet” occasionally, I cultivate friendships and stay in touch with all manner of people…online. Do I effectively share my faith online? At the end of this book I hope to be able to answer that question.

I’ve seen so much change in this life over the last 41, okay, almost 42 years. I was born into the era of rotary dial telephones, 3 snowy TV channels, and black & white baby pictures! I’ve watched the world evolve and become smaller and more intimate. Far away places like Africa and Haiti don’t seem so far away when I can stay connected via the internet. I can find an answer to every question, research anything I’m not very knowledgeable about, and know the things going on in this world as they are happening! Who would have ever dreamed in 40 years so much would change. Sometimes I feel like things are stuck on fast forward. There’s always something new right around the corner….the iPod, iPad, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Blogging. We’re connected all the time and rarely out of reach of our family and friends. No matter where we go! Where do I fit in all this? Why do I have this overwhelming desire to write? Who’s reading? What’s my responsibility in all this? I love Jesus but how do I translate this to people who may not know him or even believe in him?

This week I’ve started reading the book I referred to at the beginning of this post. @stickyJesus is going to be one of those books that will probably change my ideas on some things. That can be a very good and important thing to have happen. If you’ve been around here for any length of time you’ll often hear me say that I need to “keep moving forward” because sometimes I can get distracted by life, by painful moments, by “shiny things”. I could say that it was a very bizarre string of “coincidences” that brought me to this time and this place but I stopped believing in coincidences the day I started a relationship with Jesus. The very amazing part of reading this book is reading it with a group of women from all over the nation. This will be a new experience for me and I can’t wait to see where it leads. I look forward to their thoughts and observations. I’ve read through today’s posts and realize we are all so different but one thing is constant and that is our love for Jesus and our passion to share him with a dark and dying world.

This week was Chapter 1: you: born for such a time as this. The chapter starts with the sentence, “Welcome to the Land of Shiny Things”. Oh, how I know this land of shiny things. Our lives today are full of shiny distractions, aren’t they?! My thoughts sometimes get tangled in these shiny things and I lose sight of what’s most important. I’ll admit right now that I very much enjoy the connection I have to the world via Twitter, Facebook, and my Blog. But! It is my greatest desire to use these platforms to share Jesus with everyone I know. Time moves so fast and I know my life here is only a vapor, a mist. What impact will my moment here have on others? Will they know how much I love Jesus? An even bigger question…will they know how much I hope and pray that they meet Jesus and love Him? Although the world changes and evolves and technology goes at high speed~the message remains the same. Paul was writing letters to the church and traveling miles and miles to share the message of Jesus with the world a very long time ago. Letter writing or internet blogging….we’re all born for such a time as this. Paul in his time and place. Us….today……. now…. in our time and place.

Tami and Toni who are the authors of this book have this desire to equip all of us to shine our light into the darkness of this world. They want to help us navigate this internet world we live in. I’m glad I’ve made it here, I’m glad I know who they are. After reading Ch. 1 I realized I was so ready for this journey! I desire to glorify God in everything I do in this life. I’m probably not very good at that sometimes. I’m learning that it’s important to be in community with other believers. I didn’t really understand that before but I do now. I have a lot of questions. You may have noticed that one on your own!

Did I mention I’m ready for what comes next?

Lord…I pray that everything we do on this journey glorifies you. I pray for understanding and patience for each one of us. It is my hope and desire that we all make it to the end together and Lord I ask that you guide us through. I lift up all the women who are part of this moment. I ask you to empower each and every one of them as they find their voice and their platform. Thank you for loving us and thank you for grace, but most of all thank you for Jesus. Amen.

Tangled Up!

December 11, 2010 – 4:44 pm

Emilee, Family, Kayla, Seth

Tangled! What a fantastic movie! Emilee and I had the pleasure of spending the day together and after lunch we went and saw Tangled. It’s not just a girl movie and it’s not just a kid movie. If you haven’t seen it Emilee and I both encourage you to do so. I really allowed myself to see today’s movie through Emilee’s eyes. See, she’s 7 and the fantastic thing about her age right now is she’s starting to gain some knowledge about life and she really is delightful to have a conversation with. I’m never quite sure what might pop up or what perspective she might have on things! Today’s conversation on the way to Farmington was about school and things that happen in the classroom as a lot of her world is there right now. Often we talk about Jesus, she loves talking about him and I pray she never loses that desire! We also talk alot about her brother and sister which are very important people to her. She very much feels it’s her God given duty to keep me abreast of “certain issues” that I might not be quite aware of in their lives!! She truly is adorable and I forget that sometimes in the craziness of this life.

The last 2 weeks have been stressful and busy for lots of people. We’ve experienced the same crunch here. Almost every night we’ve had a concert or event to attend which makes for tired, grumpy people most mornings. Combined with some not feeling good and that’s quite the recipe for disaster. Emilee’s spent the last 2 weeks going off to school almost every morning in tears. She’s tired, she doesn’t want to get up, she has an issue with getting dressed, or making the bus! We’ve all tag teamed her~me mostly, dad a lot, and one morning I think Seth felt really bad for her and got up and had her ready for school and dropped off himself! That was the best morning we’ve all had in 2 weeks. Except for Thursday morning and that was the day AFTER I watched my son deal with her with kindness and patience and laughter. I felt like such an idiot! All I can remember over the last couple of weeks is saying things like “Emilee, hurry up, you’re going to make us late, you’re not paying attention, did you hear me?” And through tears and wails some mornings I would hear her say “You aren’t listening to me!” I realized that I probably wasn’t “really” listening to her. She had to be exhausted not getting in most evenings until 9:30 or 10 and then right back up the next morning on not a lot of sleep. I probably wasn’t listening at all. (It’s kind of funny that the bad “mom” in Tangled today didn’t listen either!)

As I’ve looked back over the last couple of weeks and realized we all have been focused a lot of other places I realize how easy it is to get your eyes fixed on the wrong things. Another lesson learned! Emilee slept in this morning for as long as she liked. When we spent the day together it was as if nothing had transpired out of the ordinary these last couple of weeks. Kids always amaze me with their resilience in life. Their ability to take in sadness and find joy in the next moment. They take the good and the bad and yet they always seem to find their smile. It reminds me of the children that Michael met while in Haiti. Very sad and dire circumstances but still that ability to smile and find joy. Why do we ever lose that? Why do we want to? Why don’t we hold on to that part of our childhood? Where does that awareness go?

I loved watching that movie today through Emilee’s eyes. We laughed and we were sad and during the scary parts we slid down in our seats and held on to each other for dear life. A lot of emotions to be had in two hours, a lot of freedom to be had. I read in Matthew 18 what Jesus has to say about children and the kingdom of Heaven.

1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them.3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:1-5

and then he goes on to say:

6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! Matthew 18: 6,7

I realize that this journey of motherhood carries a very big responsibility and I’ve found myself at times on the failing end of things. Making the wrong decisions, feeling tired and overwhelmed but looking back I realize I’ve passed on some wisdom, come to some realizations…and I have loved these three children that God has entrusted Michael and I with so much passion. I wouldn’t think twice about giving my life for them. Just like I imagine God was thinking when he sent Jesus to save us.

I love being a mom and I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had and still have to impact their lives.

I love you very much…Kayla, Seth, and Emilee. Thanks for loving me back and forgiving me when I needed it and for hanging in there while sometimes I’ve had to learn from mistakes I’ve made. You are truly a treasure to me! My greatest prayer for you every day is that you never lose the wonders of childhood and you continue to love and follow God in every moment of your life! Love, Mom

The words you need to hear.

November 30, 2010 – 11:26 pm

Church, Community

There are things that I’ve questioned since becoming a Christian. One of those things is how women fit in the church. What happens if her personality is strong and she’s very passionate about life and ideas and participating inside the church. Is there a place for that? I’ve really spent the last decade trying to figure out how to temper my strong personality. Is that what God wants? Is that what the men that I look to in my life for leadership and advice expect? I have to admit I’ve tried on a lot of different masks to be the “woman” I think the church expects me to be. I’ve probably rode the line of disrespect at times and other times I’ve went too far the opposite direction and bent over backwards to be meek and submissive. It’s been a long road with a lot of mistakes along the way.

One of the things I’ve noticed is nobody inside the church really talks about the role of women. Outside of the classic~spiritual leadership talk that is. I often would wonder if that was brought out to keep us ladies in line! Because that’s all I ever got, very vague ideas. I think that left me even more confused. Did I even have a role or responsibility in the church? I will draw the line right here and say I am very strong willed and have very definite ideas and opinions. I feel deeply and passionately about everything. I don’t fear conflict when appropriate, I don’t go out and pick fights but I will absolutely fight for what is right. (I know you’re feeling bad for Michael right now but he does just fine with “all of me”.) That being said, hear this…I absolutely believe and support Michael as the spiritual leader of this family and in this home. I believe and honor and support the male elders and leaders of my church. I feel deep within me that is correct and what God expects. I believe the bible speaks to that. But very unfortunately I’ve also felt at times that some passages regarding women have been taken out of context and twisted to keep us….I don’t know? Quiet, submissive, ineffective, invisible. I have had the heck beat out of me by some men that don’t believe women have very much value. I’ve also seen that happen to women around me. It makes me sad and angry at the same time.

I was so excited about this past weekend at church, well mostly excited. There was part of me that was also terrified that I wouldn’t agree or understand. See, we were going to be talking about this whole male/female thing. We’ve been working through I Corinthians for many weeks now and we had come to a very specific passage. 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 A passage about gender roles and how the church in Corinth was getting it wrong. I’ve heard lots of pastors don’t like to speak on this passage and I can see why it would be difficult. But, maybe we’ve been getting it wrong here in America, too. Maybe it’s something we need to be talking about more often. The world I grew up in was so different from the world my mother grew up in. I have different ideas about the roles of men and women. Some of the things culture has taught me has been really messed up. I needed this to be talked about. I’ve needed to hear this for a long time. I needed to know we had value for who we are. That I had a place. I needed to know what Jesus thinks about me. I really know what Jesus thinks about me but I so desperately needed some godly men to say this is what you mean to Jesus and to us and to the church. I got way more than I bargained for on Sunday! Tim really doesn’t sugar coat much for you. Actually I’ve never known him to sugar coat anything. But that’s okay because I need someone to say the tough stuff so I pay attention and listen and learn. I won’t ever grow and be healthy if someone doesn’t tell me all of it. It inspires me to search and pray and grow!

As I’ve said I am very passionate about a lot of things. One of those things is praying for and helping and sharing all my numerous mistakes with women younger than me. If there is one thing I’ve desired my whole life it’s good, positive fellowship with other women. What I’ve sometimes experienced has been nothing close to that. But I’ve had those moments that are right. They aren’t based on what the world portrays as “friendship”. They are what the bible shows me relationships are like and I am so very grateful and humbled by those moments. Women should absolutely be empowering one another, but a lot of times we don’t. I want this message to be a gift I can pass on as a positive thing. I’m not sure I portrayed this weekend’s message very well. It was pretty emotional for me and I don’t always get my words out right when something impacts me this strongly. I probably should have let this sink in for a few more days but I really think it might be words you need to hear right now. Oh and guys….you really need to hear them too!

I’m going to leave you with the link for this weekends service which is a little lengthy but I think it will be so worth your time to watch it. So ladies get your comfy clothes on, curl up in your favorite chair with your favorite beverage and spend some time just listening. I promise you won’t be sorry but if you’re really fired up afterward I’ve got Tim’s email!!!

Thanks for reading!

Praying love and blessings for you my dear friends!

Jesus loves me.

November 6, 2010 – 3:48 pm

Jesus, Life

I love that children’s song.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so!

How many years did I miss that feeling because I never took the time to read my bible? Reading every day has definitely changed the way I feel inside, the way I treat my family and the people around me. It’s made me realize how absolutely lost I’ve been for such a long time. It’s helped me know God and know every word the bible says about Him is absolutely true. It is so unfathomable to me how much comfort pours out of those pages. I love going to Church and hearing the words of that book spoken every single weekend. It never gets old, it never gets boring, it keeps me on the edge of my seat. It makes me ask questions, although sometimes they may seem like really dumb questions…..my husband remains very patient and I appreciate that so much. It grows me and stretches my thoughts and ideas, it compels me to keep moving forward, get off my corner and help all the people in the world…one person at a time.

I never want to take for granted all the things I did before. People matter, relationships matter, loving others and God is the most important. Living on less, giving it away, and going wherever I’m led…..that’s what this life is about. I want to help the least of these that the bible talks about~the widows and the orphans.

I found this wonderful online Bible last Christmas and started reading right before New Years. I’m 310 days into one of the reading plans on the website and I can’t wait to get done so I can start over again. If you are looking for a great program I highly recommend YouVersion.com and if you have a phone or iPod or laptop that allows it you can take this bible with you anywhere and in any version you want to read it in.

I hope you’re not like me and maybe you read your bible all the time. If you do but haven’t heard of YouVersion maybe this will be helpful in some way and if you are like me and don’t read maybe this will help get you started like it did me!! Happy reading!

May God bless you with~ discomfort?

November 2, 2010 – 8:42 pm

Jesus, Journey, Life

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen”

~Franciscan Benediction

A year ago I would have read the words above and thought….a little crazy!! Now I read them and they make perfect sense. In fact they are the very thoughts that run around inside my head all the time . There will come a day in my life that people will possible find me uncomfortable to be around. I don’t know how I feel about that. There is part of me that is a conformer, a rule follower. But there is another part of me that doesn’t care so much what other people think. A side of me that is wildly compassionate and crazily creative. I often have wondered how they have co-existed in the same body all these years. I’m learning the closer I find myself to Jesus the more the rule side diminishes and the other side becomes more passionate and fearless.

I’ve always been 100% sold out for Jesus since the moment of my salvation but there’s something about getting to know him and drawing closer to him that magnifies that about a million times. Reading through the gospel this past year has changed a lot of the ideas I had that were from my own perspective or something I had heard somewhere and believed. A lot of wrong ways of thinking. I find myself relating more and more to John the Baptist these days, a little more edgy and outside the norm! I don’t believe the idea that blessings and prosperity are what we should expect here but I also don’t believe it’s all doom and gloom either. The thing I’ve learned about the bible is there is a lot of both of those things in there. Times to dance, times to cry, times to work….for every moment of this life there is a purpose, a season we go through. When we lean one way or the other on the prosperity/gloom scale we don’t get a very true picture of this life. This life isn’t heaven, if it was why would we ever desire to go anywhere else? It’s also not just waiting to move on to heaven. We have stuff to do here and Jesus was pretty specific about those things. You can dismiss a lot of the bible and as human beings sometimes we do that because it’s a little uncomfortable. But sometimes it invades your entire life so much that you can’t ignore it or escape it.

I don’t find myself getting very excited anymore about certain things. Shopping has lost a lot of it’s luster for me since Michael went to Haiti and brought back all those pictures of babies sleeping on the ground and not having anything to eat. Those are dire circumstances that we don’t face in our house. The worst might be that we have to eat PB&J for a few days before payday. I realized after that trip that I didn’t want to go back to just pretending it didn’t exist and go back to ignoring it. So everything I do right now, everything Michael and I do right now is sending us in a different direction. Not anything we could have come up with on our own or even “dreamed” of in a million years.

I’m almost to the end of reading through the entire bible. I started last December and I’m coming up on the end of it. I realize that I’m really just beginning! I’ll have a lot of reading to keep me busy over the years, it’s not a book you can just read once. I have a feeling every time I read it I’m going to be learning something new about life. I read this passage this week and it’s really one of those passages we like to ignore. It’s uncomfortable and we really just believe it wasn’t written for us, but I think that it was written to anyone that calls themselves a follower of Jesus. What do you think?

16 Now someone came up to him and said, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to gain eternal life?” 17 He said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.” 18 “Which ones?” he asked. Jesus replied, “Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony,19 honor your father and mother,s and love your neighbor as yourself.”s20 The young man said to him, “I have wholeheartedly obeyed all these laws. What do I still lack?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasures in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Matthew 19:16-21