I really kind of like big words, like contemplation. I find myself very contemplative this evening. Yep, that’s right – doing a little bit of the “heavy” thinking tonight! I know what you’re thinking… when don’t I, right? Every post is some lengthy emotional outpouring peppered with a whole lotta “heavy” thinking! (I so know what my husband’s thinking right now!!) Anyway….

I look words up alot, I really like knowing what the dictionary says they mean up against what I “think” they mean. It always adds a whole other dimension to the word’s meaning. So…contemplation:

1. Thoughtful observation or study.
2. Meditation on spiritual matters, especially as a form of devotion

Very cool…meditation on spiritual matters. I pretty much had the “thoughtful observation” part but I really liked that second part! My contemplation tonight? Good old human behavior, I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around why people do some of the things they do.

Human behavior is such a funny, crazy, kind of tragic mystery to me. One thing I’ve noticed A LOT of this week is….we treat each other very poorly sometimes with little to no remorse. I am kind of intrigued with trying to figure out if we have always treated each other so? I’ve been around – a few years anyway – but maybe as a child I didn’t pay very much attention to human behavior. Hmmm, go figure? Is this a new phenomenon that is rapidly replacing caring for one another? Could it be violence on tv, or the media, or Facebook, or Twitter, or being too busy, or too inward focused, or….(you see this could go on for a long time) selfish? Yes, I did, I threw the “s” word out there. We don’t really seem to notice each other unless it suits a personal need or a purpose or someone really pisses us off.

We don’t appear sometimes to really care about one another or what ultimately happens to someone else. The recent death of Michael Jackson certainly plays out a big example of this. I’ve heard and read some really hideous things. I think we lost sight a little bit of these facts….the man died leaving behind children and a family and a lot of friends that are hurting and that are not immune to our careless words. You know, all I could think about all week was his mom and how much she must hurt right now…because to her he was someone very important. It also reminds me that one of our favorite past times is judging people. Don’t we love doing this? Me? Oh, yes, guilty as charged!

It has amazed me the number of outbursts I have witnessed this week where people really didn’t even recognize each other as fellow human beings. Is it just a trend or is it our new kind of normal? In those moments I had no idea if the people have any faith in God, a personal relationship with God or even live life with people who love and treasure them. Does that make a difference? So that’s what began this evening’s contemplation.

Sometimes this stuff really bugs me….I think “Ok, God, I truly want to understand this”. Like somehow understanding will bring enlightenment and that will unlock the magical antidote to bad behavior, mine included! If I could just understand this couldn’t I help in some way or “fix” something or be saying something good in the midst of bad? That’s me…I like to fix things – people, situations, bad habits. Could this be why I ended up in the nursing profession? Who knows? Experience over the years has shown me time and time again that sometimes…no matter how desperately I want to or how much I try – some things I can’t fix. Certainly not under my own power and sometimes not on this side of heaven no matter how much I wish it.

It always comes back to grace doesn’t it? I guess that’s my answer…..God really knew we were going to need a whole lot of it. Someone recently said this and it has really stuck with me – “if we breathe Jesus in ultimately what we breath out is going to be…Jesus”. I guess this week once again reminds me about grace, not just the “getting it” part but the other part the “practicing it” in my relationships part.

Grace – that’s one word I truly, truly love and that one I didn’t have to look up…..