I’ve really struggled lately with my identity…who I am. I’ve had to look at myself from God’s perspective, from the perspective of people who will speak to me truthfully because they love me and invest in my life. I’ve had to look into my heart and find who I am, what I believe, what I stand for and what I absolutely won’t compromise.

It’s been a long and winding road of self-doubt, self-discovery, anger, sadness, wonder and an awareness of who God is and what He really means to me. God has worked me over pretty good over the last couple of years…..things I didn’t think I would ever believe or trust in I find myself embracing whole-heartedly. God knows me, He made me, He believes I have what it takes to be an amazing daughter. I’ve come to the realization over the last several months that God doesn’t expect me to change, He desires that I would be the person He created me to be.

I had to look at the good part of me and the parts of me that I would consider flaws or failures. (We are so very good at beating ourselves up for the things that we see as failure.) I also had to decide on the things that I would never compromise on….the things that are inherent to my nature and personality, the unique crafting of my heart and my soul – those things that made me who I am. I also had to see how these “failures” would become things that would make me unstoppable when it came to sharing my story with people, living a missional life, and living life the way God meant for me to.

The things I see as failures….being opinionated, strong willed, stubborn, a radical thinker, and an introvert. Oh, and I never back down from a good fight, I think they call that confrontational. I looked that list over and realized that the good was also there in the things I thought were flaws or failures in my personality. Let me explain…..what I’ve realized lately is God doesn’t see those particular things as “flaws”…He flipped the coin on me and made me look at those things through His eyes – He made me in His image, life’s circumstances and my choices related to those moments have shaped me into who I am today. I realized when I look in the mirror…I don’t see someone broken and lost, I see someone loved and redeemed…I don’t just see that – I feel that in my heart.

Those things I see as “failures” have made me resilient, compassionate, loyal, a fighter for those that need someone to stand up for them, reflective, a thinker outside the box, and someone who sees the invisible…the people that society does not notice. All things God can use for His purpose and His glory!!

I asked God several weeks ago to reveal His plan for my life, His plans for this family. I know what God is capable of….I’ve seen Him in action over the last several years. The first of September my husband lost his income and even though he has applied for numerous positions….no job!! The thought of going through to Christmas without him having a paycheck should have been terrifying, BUT….it has been an amazing blessing to watch God carry us through this time. Every time I thought we wouldn’t be able to make a bill or buy groceries….God has been there. Michael went almost 8 weeks without a paycheck in the midst of major economic turmoil, and we have not gone without. He brought Michael a sub job at the local jr. college that has given him time to heal and make decisions about what comes next. God has cleared up a lot of questions surrounding Michael’s sudden dismissal from his previous job and as things become clearer and we learn more about what He has in mind for us, we’ve realized that things happen the only way they can sometimes. God’s brought us comfort and an unwavering belief and trust in His plan for this family.

I’m looking forward to what’s coming next…I look forward to sharing those moments with you here. Who knows maybe we’ll even share some of life out “there” as well!!

So, I put this question to you:

As you’ve journeyed through this life what have you found out about yourself, what are you not willing to compromise?