Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight, can’t face me in the light
They’ll return but I’ll be stronger

Those are the opening words to Fireflight’s song Unbreakable. I had the pleasure of seeing Fireflight in concert Friday evening with Winter Jam 2010. Love this song and it’s message. Ever had those people in your life? We all have. What I’ve finally realized about people who accuse me or cause me pain and hurt me….the only thing I’m called to do….is love them. Weird. Yep, it’s just weird. We don’t get to punch them or scream at them or even justify ourselves or our reputation by talking badly about them. We are just called to love them. For me it’s been the ultimate test of whether I take this Christian life seriously. Is it possible to return stronger after a painful experience or to  just fall back into my old ways? ….of not trusting, of guarding my heart, of withdrawing. I stand before you and I say….wait, I scream- Yes!!! It is absolutely possible and I am living proof that God can redeem any experience. I am proof that you can learn and you can have joy through all things and you can dream again.

God I want to dream again, take me where I’ve never been
I wanna go there, this time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried out to God that I want to dream again! I’m so ready for whatever is coming next! God’s filled my heart with His Word and pointed me in the direction He has for me. He’s shown me that He doesn’t leave me and He’s refining me and He’s preparing me. Painful times will come and what will I choose to do? Will I want to take back control, will I fear? Faith is moving without knowing…I love that line. That’s exactly what I plan on doing. I’m just going to keep moving. I’m moving through life now without all the baggage and the fear. When you hear the words God can change anyone from the inside out…I hope I come to your mind. I hope I’m able to show with my actions and not my words that I am indeed forever changed.

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see to reach my destiny?
I want to take control but I know better

I’ve used fear as an excuse…a crutch. But it is no longer my goal to arrive safely at the end of my life. It is my goal to live life boldly, without reservations, risking it all. Sometimes my biggest fear is just simply of failing. As I’ve gotten to know me better and definitely as I’ve leaned into God and His plans I’ve realized how silly that seems. If I never fail- how will I ever know if I’m headed in the right direction, how will I ever learn what He needs me to know? The time for worrying about what other people think , or fitting comfortably into what is acceptable to the masses-it’s over. It’s so over! I’m living for the acceptance and judgment of One. That really is all that matters.

Forget the fear it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

It’s getting late and I need to go spend some time with someone who shares my dreams. My question for you….where are your dreams, not dust I hope, and what could you accomplish if fear was erased from your life? Could you step out of the group and dare to be different, dare to be free, dare to live your dreams….dare to do that one thing…..live that one secret dream that swirls round and round in your thoughts? Crazy talk , right? Are you sure? Maybe it makes more sense than what you would let yourself believe……

Great Expectations!

Sorry, I know you may have been “expecting” a book review on Great Expectations! I really do like books and writing reviews, but this is not about a book. This post is about life….my expectations of this life and how they don’t always make sense.

I’ve realized over a period of time and some life lessons that my expectations of others and for my life are way too high at times. I am very good at grading every moment and person with a pass/fail grade.  Maybe this is something you can identify with….

• Putting people on pedestals and expecting them to stay there; having grand ideas when it comes to their character and how they should act.
• Expecting to control certain parts of life: how it should go, what it should be like, what should be received related to how hard I work.

Okay…maybe that’s just me!  It became a default for me…I could put moments in my life and people in the #fail category. Just like a twitter post….this person did this, #fail…..life didn’t go the way I was “expecting”, #fail.

I read recently that a world-wide study ranked people in Denmark as the most content population in the world. When one citizen was being interviewed a reporter made the comment that people from the United States would be moving there in droves. The man responded that Americans would just be disappointed.  When pressed by the reporter on why people were so content….the man said…we have low expectations. It bears thought that lower expectations might translate to less disappointment.

Being disappointed leads me to frustration and then my old friend-anger-always shows up. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I think most people don’t like being disappointed. I think I can count that as being a true statement. What is different? The way people handle disappoint. Some people are able to handle it with a whole lot more grace than others. I wonder if that’s related to personality, where you are in life, or just how you relate things to your life? Or, could it be about expectations?  Do American’s have expectations that are too high? All things I’ve been contemplating.

I’m glad that I’ve made some adjustment in my life-to not run but to stand and face my demons head on….and talk about them to people who value me as a person. It’s never easy to talk about where you fail, but talking with someone you know-who loves you and has your back and who you trust….that’s a really good thing. As 2010 unfolds my hope is I learn to “lower” my insanely high expectations and break the destructive cycle of disappointment into anger. I understand I couldn’t do any of this without God and His desire for a relationship with me. Oh, and that wonderful thing called grace.  I hope that He finds me delightfully wacky and I am grateful for the joy I feel even in the midst of some of life’s harder moments!

Had the opportunity to see Avatar with the family this weekend. It was sold out for the two early shows by the time we’d goofed around and got over there to buy tickets. That left us with the option of  seeing it at 9:50,that’s p.m.,  which resulted in a little grumpiness from….everybody! Could we do it and then drive all the way home afterward. It is a looooong movie after all!! We had heard such rave reviews so we decided to give it the old college try.

Took the plunge and got our tickets. Showed up the required 30 minutes early so we could get seats together and still ended up sitting in the 5th row! This actually ended up being the best seats in the house as the 3d experience actually immersed us in the world of Pandora!  Sitting that close… everything else seemed to melt away.  I’m not going into great detail about the storyline. It was solid and had all the right elements for a good story-romance, conflict, resolve. Okay, maybe the romance part doesn’t appeal to everybody!

Hands down…the most fascinating part of the movie was Pandora and the experience of a new culture. I love travel and this movie certainly spoke to that love. Learning about a new culture, exploring the “countryside”, and meeting the people is so interesting. (I could have done without some of the scary creatures!) You will fall in love with the people of Pandora and when things get bad….you will cry with them. My dear husband thought it was a little “tree-hugging” and it was, truly. It made a great point that we, humans, aren’t very good about protecting our own planet’s natural resources. We prove that point very well in this movie.

My husband asked me after leaving the theatre what I thought…the only word I could use was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed by the scope of that movie. It was bigger than life! I realized while I was watching this world unfold that as amazing as it was….it still couldn’t hold a candle to heaven. (I may over think things just a little!) I know amazing thought and imagination went into the making of this “virtual” world. I was very much in awe of the beauty but truly overwhelmed when I realized if my imagination wasn’t able to process Pandora’s “make believe” beauty….it certainly leaves heaven out of my realm of understanding!

I encourage you to see this movie. It is fantastic, the technology used is mind boggling, and I don’t think many will come away disappointed. There’s a little bit of everything which should appeal to just about everybody.

Have you seen the movie? Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought….was it a thumbs up or thumbs down experience?

I had the opportunity to read Primal: A Quest for the Lost Soul of Christianity by Mark Batterson and be a part of the blog tour for this book. First let me say when I got the book I immediately liked the cover artwork, that’s usually a good indicator for what’s inside. I had very high hopes for this book. I read a lot of books…some great, some just okay, and some really bad ones that I never finish. Very soon I found myself unsure of which category this book was going to fall into for me.

When I received the book I immediately started reading but came to a mental roadblock about midway through Part 2:The Soul of Christianity. I put the book down and did not pick it up again. Not good since I was kind of on a timeline for the blog tour. I felt a little put off by the book but I wasn’t exactly sure why. I am very much a reader who “feels” every bit of a book, for some reason I was not feeling any emotion over this particular book. The writing was good, lots of good examples and stories to help make the points interesting and understandable to readers. BUT-There was this little nagging voice in the back of my mind urging me to just leave the book alone.

Last night I was off to my favorite coffee shop to relax and listen to some good music when I decided I better take the book and attempt to finish it! I did have to blog about it after all. I was really struggling with what I was going to write about. I wasn’t even sure I’d have any inspiration to post a review. That’s when page 104, paragraph 1 happened. People who know me know this…it takes a lot to get me to cry. I might shed a tear once in awhile but I rarely ever cry. It’s never a good feeling to be reading in a public place and know you are going to cry…not shed a tear but throw yourself face down on the ground and sob very loudly. That’s the emotion that hit me in the middle of my very crowded coffee shop. Here’s the passage and the emphasis was added by me…to show what really hit me hard.

“You cannot truly love what you do not really know. That is called ignorance. So stop and think about the implications. The less you know God, the less you love Him. And the more you know God, the more you love Him. Why? Because to know Him is to love Him. And if you don’t love Him, it’s because you don’t really know Him.“

I’m sure you’re interested in why I became so emotional-since by itself-that particular passage doesn’t seem quite so earth shattering. It was that paragraph and all the stuff I read leading up to that page. Batterson had built a credible case for reading your bible and all the other spiritual exercises we should all be participating in, throughout the beginning of this book. It was the same “yada yada” I’ve read in just about every “Christian” book I’ve ever picked up. Alright already, I get it I need to read my bible, and pray more, and blah blah blah. (I’m so glad God still loves me even when I’m flippant and a know it all.) I felt really sad and really ashamed-my words and my actions seemed pretty far apart at that moment. I also realized why I didn’t want to read the book….it was going to make me uncomfortable.

I did finish the rest of this book in what seemed like moments. That paragraph was a tipping point for me not just in reading the book but in the realization of where I was in my life. I could go into great detail from here, there is so much I want to share with you about that moment and this book and what it could mean for you and where you might find yourself right now. The most important thing I want to share and the point I need to make…read this book and allow God to speak directly to you while you are reading it. Because He will and maybe you’ve been needing to hear what it is He has to say….needed it for a very long time, like me. If you read any book this coming year…then read this one. In fact, making this your first book of the new year may be exactly what you need to get your year started off right!

As for me, I’m starting the book over. I’m going to read it this time with my heart open and with a humble attitude AND with the realization that I don’t know everything! I hope you have the opportunity to read it as well. You can go here to find out more about it.

Friends…

A Friend ~ is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today.

I have come to a moment in my life where I have been compelled to examine my friendships – past & present….. what does friendship mean to me and how willing am I to be the type of friend that is present in someone else’s life. Through numerous experiences I have come to the realization that friendship means a lot of different things to people. After a lot of years of “friendship lessons” my definition of friendship has evolved. I think a friendship must always be willing to go deeper and it has to be healthy. There has to be a lot of love, quite a bit of sacrifice, and sometimes friendship will become just plain, old uncomfortable. Then there’s always the challenge of doing all of this in the midst of sharing your life, dreams, and ideas with one another.

I had found myself falling into the belief that because I know someone and we share similar likes and are living life in close proximity that means friendship. That doesn’t always mean friendship….. but it can mean some absolutely amazing experiences of life in community. I truly love the people in my life that I share community with, they make me laugh, we share moments, we pray for one another, but we don’t always know one another very well. We may have a lot of acquaintances but they don’t always translate to friendships.

Friends should know about the details of your life. They are the person you could call in the middle of the night, sob your eyes out with…that person that is willing to search the darkest recesses of your heart and soul with you. They are the person that sticks around no matter what happens, has your back, and after soul searching expeditions with you – no matter what they may find loves you even more. And when things get really bad they are the first person there and they stay through every situation all the way to the end. That’s usually the sign of a true friend…when the dust settles and you look around it’s the people still standing there with you, covered in the same dust as you, that you can count on as friends.

To be honest I have found those kinds of friendships in my life, but I realized to keep them I needed to work harder at letting those friends know they were important to me. I understand now to make those relationships mature I have to put in a lot of effort on my side. Work, kids, busyness can push away friendships. There have been people in my life that I have been close to for a season but for whatever circumstance they just slip away.

I had some serious life lessons happen over the last couple of years. Moments of reflection on who I am, what my relationships looked like with my husband, my parents, my children, the church, God. I can’t say I’ve loved every moment but I’ve learned quite a bit. This past week I was challenged more than I could ever imagine….when it came to my friendships. I do have the involvement of a handful of women in my life that I would consider lifetime friends. Just recently God got my attention in a very big way to help remind me not to let the busyness of life push them away. I had the privilege to be with a friend during a very difficult moment in her life…it was a moment to show her through actions…. how much I cared for her.

I have come to the realization that during the most difficult moments in life God is working on refining my character. I realized a long time ago that God uses each one of life’s circumstances as a teaching & often a disciplining moment. I look forward to what’s coming as God continues to work on my heart when it comes to the women in my life….all of the women…my family, my friends, my acquaintances. God’s plans for us are never small or insignificant. The things He has been laying on my heart recently fall right in line with where my passion is.

Amen and yes to whatever is coming next!! Here’s to friendship!!!

Oh yeah……Have you called your friend today?