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Perspective….

August 28, 2012 – 9:16 pm

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“Child, you have to learn to see things in the right proportions. Learn to see great things great and small things small.” ― Corrie Ten Boom

Perspective~

1. a way of regarding situations, facts, etc., and judging their relative importance

2. the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity

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I love the picture above of Berline and I..that moment is a wonderful reminder of what is great in this life. It’s important, I think, to examine our perspective about life because sometimes we’ll find in this life our thinking gets a little skewed about what is important and what isn’t.

I had it in my mind that I would not write on this blog again…I believed that part of me to be finished. I had worked through a lot of stuff on this little blog and really felt that all the words were gone. That’s the way I felt in March when I wrote my last post! And I was also feeling a little tired and used up by life back in March…but God has a way of helping us gain some perspective about what is truly important and what’s not. A whole bunch of life has happened since then!

Honestly, I’ve missed writing and maybe that’s why I find myself drifting a little bit since I’ve returned from Haiti. Writing doesn’t define my entire life, it’s not all that I am BUT it is a part of who I am. Recently, I’ve found myself with thoughts and ideas swirling around that never really get examined or completed. There is a rhythm to writing that I have truly missed.

Certainly spending the summer in Haiti has challenged my perspective on the world, western culture, politics, and how as Americans we have a tendency to talk more than we listen!! There are some things that become more and more clear when I write them down and read my bible and pray. I do know that God is good all the time, that I’m here to glorify him in everything I do, and the mess this world is in…is thanks to our own sin and brokenness. I also know that the girl that wrote that last post back in March…is still an impractical dreamer but with (maybe) a little different perspective than when she wrote that post. I don’t imagine that I’ll ever be winning any awards for my writing or even writing any books but I think I’ll always be writing to help me cut through the haze. The haze of busyness and complacency. It gives me a place to go with thoughts and ideas that would otherwise be swept away….and as I look back it reminds me who I am…where I’ve come from and where I’m heading to…. Not a bad thing, I think….

Perspective….

“For what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing: it also depends on what sort of person you are.” ― C.S. Lewis

An impractical dreamer.

March 20, 2012 – 1:24 pm

Community, Grace

I live in a world that at times borderlines being unrealistic.

When I say I live in a world that at times is unrealistic that world is of my own making, crafted around my personality and beliefs. Not correct, necessarily, but nevertheless where I feel most comfortable. I am by all definitions an idealist. Hear me out on this one. If you look up the definition of an idealist, I fall mainly under the second definition~a visionary or impractical person. I am a strange combination of rule follower and dreamer and often those two things don’t co-exist very peacefully under the same skin. Is there a point? Yes, and it may take me a couple of paragraphs to get to one…but here we go.

I realize that the world we live in is sinful and broken. I understand it won’t be restored until Jesus comes again. I get all of that. Here’s where the impractical dreamer comes in…I’m going out on a big limb here. Ready? I believe in a place where people will fight against poverty and injustice and that they will prevail with faith in the power of a mighty God. Not just a few “missionaries” but all people who call themselves believers. That when we read the scripture that says “with God all things are possible” we believe it and not just wag it around as our “inspirational saying of the day”.

I guess I should share with you what’s got me in such an uproar. I was very encouraged to see the Kony 2012 campaign that swept the internet recently. It was something, it was a beginning, it was people caring about one another. It became a big deal to a lot of us. But we have this desire to trash things that we’re not sure about, critics poured out of everywhere..they are keeping the money, people in Uganda hate this, etc.

CRITICS~a person who tends too readily to make captious, trivial, or harsh judgments; faultfinder.

That’s why they’re called critics! We shouldn’t want to be that person, right? Did anybody contact Invisible Children directly with any measure of love? Of course, not. That’s not how we operate in this country..we say whatever we want, whenever we want, about whomever we want…that’s called freedom of speech people and this country was founded on it. (That argument’s starting to get old for me.)

I was so very sad to hear that the co-founder of Invisible Children, Jason Russell, had recently been detained by the police for some bizarre behavior. It reminded me that we are all so human and frail and it reminded me to be so thankful for grace. I think Mr. Russell may have let a lot of those critics overwhelm him. A recent article I read said he had gone nine days without any sleep and had been dealing with a lot of negative press. If you look at someone’s life and they suddenly have an episode that is so completely out of character for them then it was probably precipitated by some kind of stress. But do we give people grace for those kind of moments? No, not usually.

What encouraged my post was the despicable and vile things people seem to love to say. When I say love..I mean they seem to take great glee in someone’s darkest moment. Have we truly become so jaded in this world that we believe that everything someone does is suspect? That they have an ulterior motive? That they are after our money? After our possessions? That any of that matters? I think what should concern us is the very real presence of Mr. Kony…kidnapping babies and forcing them to do unthinkable and unimaginable things! What is even more vile to me is that a lot of people care more about Jason Russell’s meltdown than seem to care about the thousands of children who are murdered or die everyday around the world. If we have something to say, wouldn’t our words be better used talking about the injustices of the world?

This is where I have always been an idealist. I want so badly to believe in people saying, “Enough! We are going to err on the side of loving people too much than not loving them enough.” I so badly want to live in a world where talking about our latest purchase or our personal successes pales in comparison to talking about the needs of others or that a lot of people are leaving this world everyday without knowing Jesus. Some days I’m exhausted by the Western world and our sense of entitlement and our lack of compassion; to our neighbors here and to the rest of the world. I hear this a lot…that somehow all of those people who aren’t exactly like us have got what they deserve. If they’d just do this..or that…or work harder…or the other thousand of excuses we give one another to help us believe they are where they are by their own making. We forget that should the zip code of our birth be changed we could be one of the millions of people in the world starving at this very moment and doing without a lot of the things we take for granted. I understand saying things without a filter, this whole post has been without a filter! I am guilty of that. Sometimes the moment gets the best of you, but we must be responsible for what we say. And if we say something in error or that is harsh we need to go back and make those moments right. But I am no longer in a place where I understand saying things that are hurtful and mean. I know a lot of people will say they have the right to say these things. In fact I read a blog the other day by someone that I’ve respected for quite some time where he said he had the “right” as a Christian to say these things and then he proceeded to blast Mr. Russell with his words. I wondered while reading this if he even knew Mr. Russell or had ever talked to him.

Like I said some days I’m exhausted…today is one of those days. I have never, ever, ever been very good at making small talk and exchanging pleasantries with people. I don’t engage well on that level, that is the awkward introvert in me, I’m sure. But I also wonder if that’s the dreamer in me, too? I love to dream about things and I love to share those conversations. When I ask you how you’ve been..I really expect that you’ll tell me. And that if you’re not okay you know it’s okay to tell me that too. But I get the feeling that most people don’t have the same expectations about conversation. I don’t even mind if you disagree with me…as long as we can talk about it….in a decent and respectful way. I have a feeling that I will always be an awkward, passionate dreamer, who is probably impractical at times. I hope that I always care about people more than I care about being right. I realize I’ve had a lot of wrong ideas over my lifetime but I hope I don’t get to a point that people matter so little to me; that I don’t really care who I hurt so I can have an opinion. I know people who live their life that way, I know what it looks like up close, and I’ve been there myself and don’t ever want to go back there. There was a time in my life where saying harmful and mean things about people who say harmful and mean things seemed very justifiable to me. (You might have to read that twice!) That doesn’t mean I will never have hard discussions with other people because I will, but they’ll be face to face with the person involved…not by blasting them here or on facebook or as an anonymous commenter or by use of any other form of social media.

God knows me and He didn’t leave me heading down the road I was on…he turned me upside down…broke my heart….and He loved me.

And if we believe all that God says through the Bible and through His grace to us then shouldn’t that be what we pass on to others?

And not harsh criticism and opinions?

A Hand…

March 7, 2012 – 8:30 am

Emilee, Grace

Emilee, our youngest child, has had a rough couple of weeks! She’s always struggled a little bit with some tummy problems, even when she was very tiny. She’ll be fine and then something will pop up! This has been one of those times. It makes going to school pretty tough on her but she’s handling it like a trooper. Oh, there have been days where the crying and wailing has set in and the “why me” has escaped her lips, more than once! She and I talk a lot about this life and how things aren’t randomly happening “to her”, that she’s not being punished for “being bad”. (It’s interesting how often we think that when tough things happen.) We remind her that things aren’t always going to happen the way she expects them. That life is probably not going to be without some bumps. She already understands that suffering happens. You can’t be in Haiti for very long and not be reminded of that daily, even if you are a child. We talk a lot about the brokenness of our world and our hope in Jesus and the peace that comes with knowing Him. At 9 years old, she understands that, but as we all know~ some days are just harder than others.

This morning was a good morning. We’ve been getting up and packing her lunch together so we can make sure what she eats is easy on her tummy. It also gives me time to prepare her for the day. Usually, in the mornings, our house is a whirlwind but we’ve all been making an effort to slow it down. As I walked her to the car to leave for school, she turned to give me a big hug! She was really just calm and peaceful and felt secure. I could see it on her face.

The wind was blowing like crazy, of course, as it has for days here! A big gust of wind caught the car door and where Em was standing would have slammed the heavy door into the back of her head. I immediately grabbed the door and stopped it before it hit her. She was wrapped up in my arms and never even noticed. She jumped in the car and was off to school with no concern over what might have just happened! I thought of my heavenly Father instantly. I was flooded with the realization in that moment- that is how God has me…in His arms…looking out for the things that might hit me in the “back of my head”. That feeling was so strong this morning for some reason. I know that tough times come, I’ve had plenty in my life and have a feeling there will be more. But there won’t be doubt….no matter what comes in this life..I know my ultimate destination. (21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.)

This morning for whatever reason…it was very clear. The feeling I had in that moment of watching out for Em flooded every part of me…that is how God feels about me!!! And you!!!! I have always known that with “my mind” but I’d never had it flood through my heart like it did this morning.

Knowing where Em has been emotionally the past couple of weeks I knew a whack to her head this morning would have sent her over the edge. Yes, she would have been fine, probably wouldn’t have made it to school on time and there would definitely have been some tears. I know my youngest child well! I’ve watched her work with all this and try to listen to everything we tell her, make changes where needed, and I see her desire to move on. I was glad she didn’t have one more thing to cry about this morning, that’s how I felt. I don’t think God is uninvolved in our tough times. I think He’s very present, even when we don’t think He notices.

I think sometimes what we need to do is listen..learn…move forward…but not under our own power! And not with any specific time frame or agenda. When we love Jesus and believe what scripture tells us then when hard times come we no longer play games where we blame or hide or expect that we deserve it for past sins committed. We then believe in words like faith, trust, grace, mercy, peace, and joy; because we’ve experienced all those things in our own life and we see it in the people around us. Thinking about my life this morning I see how many times God’s hand has been there. In the kindness of a friend, in prayers said, in quiet moments, in peace in the midst of some tough stuff…

And then there’s this…and I cling to this scripture every day of my life…..

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.~James 1:2-4

Out of the wilderness…my thoughts on the church.

February 1, 2012 – 8:31 pm

Church, Community

We all have definite opinions about “the church”. I hear them often from people, all manner of people and many different ideas. Religion and church give us much for discussion~good and bad. It has been my opinion for awhile now to not discuss church too much here on my blog. If I do, I prefer it to be in a fairly vague way. I’ve felt that’s been a good policy to have for multiple reasons. Recently, I’ve been drawn to the idea of sharing some thoughts about church. I could go into a huge background about my own personal church experiences starting with VBS at Aurora Springs Baptist Church when I was a child. That’s a memory that is so far away and misty that I can barely call it to mind. So, from that, you know I’ve had a long relationship with church…but not always a good relationship with church.

ekklesia~refers to all of God’s people which he has “assembled” or “gathered” out of the world.

God calls us out of the world to be a part of an assembly of believers.

Why? Do we believe that? That we are called to ekklesia…. I went through a period of time where I did not believe. Maybe, more than one time, if I’m going to be honest.

There’s something to be said about discipleship, it turns around some very bad theology that we pick up from various places and some selfish thoughts and ideas. It makes baby Christians become mature believers. That said, it’s time to talk about church. I have too many people in my life that don’t believe. Oh, they believe in Jesus but not His church. Too many people in my life that have walked away from ekklesia. Something is broken in our thoughts and ideas about church today and lends to a belief that walking away from relationship with God’s people is okay. Hear this….it is not okay. No matter how disillusioned you might be, or heartbroken, or road weary….or just plain pissed off.

One more time~It is not okay for us to hold on to those broken beliefs and it’s something that gets close for me because I’ve experienced all those things.

I’m going to introduce you to the church my family calls home, because I think it’s important. A lot of you have asked and I’ve been fairly vague about discussing church with you. I’m not sure that’s honored God in any way. I’ll give you a little background on this experience. We walked into The Bridge Community Church in Leadington, MO about 3 years ago. After a year of what felt like wandering in the wilderness, we honestly entered the doors of this interesting looking church building exhausted and on our last legs. Disillusioned and broken and lost and me with a huge chip on my shoulder! What a recipe for disaster! Here we go again, is all I could think. But, what else did we have to lose? Seth Durbin was the first person I remember seeing that I knew and he made his way straight to us. We had known Seth for a long time and he was a friendly face on a very rough day and we needed that…and God knew that. I can tell you now that I could never have dreamed the plans that God had that day. See, God was going to take every prideful thing we thought we knew about church and blow them up.

It’s never easy to commit to some iron sharpening iron. It sounds poetic on the page but not so easy to go through. We were uncomfortable there in the beginning. The Bridge does some crazy stuff…like teaching right out of the Bible. Long chapters of scripture read! Really? Who does that? They talked about hell and how our hearts are depraved and sinful from the very beginning of our lives. Didn’t they know that doesn’t make new people feel comfortable? They encouraged us to go to Conquering Addiction and let God conquer our last hold on our sins. They talked over and over again about disciples making disciples….about going out on mission….about truly being free in Christ. They showered us in huge deluges of God’s love and talked about real people with crazy life changing stories of salvation and redemption. Big thing for me, no, huge thing…I learned about and accepted the truth of forgiveness~given and received. (I promise, Tim, I’ll never forget…20 bucks! )

I don’t know how many people attend The Bridge, I look around and see a lot of people. There’s not too much mention of that. The music’s great but not the focus. Instead we talk about people who are lost, and children and widows not being taken care of….and then we talk a lot about our responsibility in that. We share life with our communities and other churches. There is no air of competition or insincerity. There are constantly new leaders being raised up and new churches to plant. Mission is no longer a “thing” we do, but a way we live. Whether here in our own neighborhoods or across the ocean. So many other things I’d like to share, but words for another day.

Tim Gray said to me, in the beginning, that I could come to him and say anything I needed to…even if I disagreed with him. That was not off limits That was a huge statement for him to make and me to hear. I knew, then, I might not always be here at The Bridge physically but my heart would always be tangled up here. The Bridge trains us to go and our family has been going…..recently, to Haiti and I really don’t know where that might lead but I know where it started. The church is so much more than what we have made of it here in America. I’ve experienced that in Haiti and at The Bridge. It’s not a place to go to be entertained and made to feel good. In fact, there are some times that it’s hard and not comfortable and hasn’t felt so good. The Bridge takes the church out of the box and goes one step further and blows the box up! When I stand in the middle of those little bit crazy, radical Christians, that remind me a lot of the early church goers, I know without a doubt that this is the way God meant for church to be. Not always safe, sometimes messy, but always seeking to glorify Him.

I’m grateful for servant leaders like Tim, Ben, and Lance. They are by no means perfect or ever pretend to be but always strive to be humble and love God’s people. Which I can only imagine is hard some days. Tim reminds us often that they will be called to give an account someday for what they’ve done along the way. They take that pretty seriously. I’ve watched them come a long way in the 3 years we’ve been there. It makes me realize God’s always working on our lives and through our lives.

If I can say one thing in closing. Don’t give up. Go somewhere, commit to try. Let God work through some of your ideas. It’s not easy but it is important. Take one step on faith and see where God leads you…..because He will lead you, dear one, somewhere you never imagined. Remember…. He called you……

A Mother’s story…

January 28, 2012 – 12:07 pm

Community, Jesus, Life, Relationships

My guest writer for this post is very dear to me. I jokingly and lovingly refer to her as the one person that helped me make it through kindergarten! And it is the truth! (That’s a story for another time.) I am honored to know her and share life with her today even long distance. She is truly a woman that loves God and her family; and spends every moment of her life showing that to me and those that are lucky enough to know her. Recently, my friend and I had the opportunity to pray and support Jessie Joy Reese as she battled cancer that, ultimately, ended in Jessie’s victory over cancer and death. We know that Jessie is resting in Jesus’ presence right now, even though we don’t always understand. To my dear friend, Tammy Vogt, this struggle was something very close to her as a mother living life in similar circumstances. I asked her to share a little bit about her family’s story and her heart as a mother. She honored me by saying yes and she honored God by sharing sincerely and transparently her family’s story. May it bless you in the midst of any discouragement or valleys you are walking through.

It is my honor to share my forever friend, Tammy, with you…..

Just a few short weeks ago I watched a celebration service via live webcast for a 12 year old valiant little girl named Jessie. Tears ran down my face as I heard stories told of this precious young gal who had lost her fight with a brain tumor but won her prize in life as she crossed from this life to life eternal. I had never met her. I don’t know her family. “Why” you ask did I find myself peering in on what should seem like a private celebration of life? Maybe it is because Jessie’s mother’s story could have been mine…

Three years ago March 16th I took my daughter Brenna into the doctor for what we thought was a virus she just couldn’t kick. She was 7 years old at the time and was a happy fun loving little gal. She loved to play sports and even this ‘sickness’ couldn’t rob her of playing outside with her friends, but something wasn’t right. Her coloring was off and she had some strange dizzy spells that would make her nauseous and vomit. After explaining this to her doctor he looked me in the eye and told me it was probably nothing but suggested we take some blood tests to rule out the ‘big and scary’. Later that afternoon when the tests results came back we received the news that would shake us to our core and change the course of our lives.
Brenna had leukemia.

Her blood levels were dangerously low and she was in need of an immediate transfusion. We were told that they were already waiting for us on the fourth floor of St. Luke’s hospital in Boise, ID. We were to go home, break the news to our other three kids, pack a bag and get Brenna there as soon as possible. I remember that car ride like it was yesterday. My eyes went from the shock on my husband’s face to my little girl sitting in the back seat who was absolutely clueless of what the word ‘cancer’ meant. All she knew is that she was sick and mommy and daddy were taking her to the hospital so she could get better.
I looked out the window of the car that day and my whole spirit cried out to God. I silently wiped the tears, trying not to let Brenna see them. I thought about asking the question ‘why’ but I knew better than to go there. There were no answers. There will never be any answers on why 7 year olds get leukemia or 12 year olds have brain tumors. People would try to tell me in the days and years ahead that God causes everything to happen for a reason. I see two things wrong with this statement. Number one: there is no reason in this. It is horrible, not reasonable. Number two: the God I know has a heart that breaks when a child goes through something so terrible…He doesn’t cause it. No, the whole of the ‘why’ is big and black and deep and I knew I wouldn’t make it through this if I let myself fall into it. I declared then and there that no matter what I wouldn’t turn on my God. I knew I couldn’t make it through what was ahead, no matter what that was, without Him.
That day began a journey of doctor visits and hospital stays. I watched as Brenna endured test after test, poke after poke, and chemo treatment after chemo treatment. I sat by her bed countless nights and prayed for fevers to break and critical blood levels to rise. I held her and we cried when her hair began to fall out. And though my heart broke, I watched in amazement the strength and sense of peace of this little girl of mine.

I asked Brenna recently how she got through the tough times. She said she got through it with the help of her family, friends and God. I asked her specifically how God had helped her. I just wanted to hear what word she would put to her story. She said, “God told me everything would be okay”. Being the very curious sort, I asked her how she knew God had spoken this to her. She stated in her beautiful child like way…she just knew.
And that is how it was. He never left us. Not one minute. Just like it says in His word:

Hebrews 13:5-6
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.”

I can be honest with you and say that I didn’t always feel His presence. There were definite times of discouragement. Definite times where I begged for a sense of peace but just as honestly I can tell you that I never saw Brenna without it. Isn’t that amazing? Brenna is ten years old now and from looking at her you would never know that she ever endured such a fight. She still goes back every four weeks for blood checks and won’t be considered ‘cancer free’ for a few more years, yet we can see the healing in her life.
When I heard the news of Jessie’s fight I began to follow her on facebook and prayed for her healing. It wasn’t but a few short days later that she had passed on. My heart broke for her family. It just didn’t seem fair that I would get to keep my precious little girl and they would lose theirs.

I still have no answers and it is still not fair. This is a broken world we live in where sickness and disease take lives. I believe this breaks the heart of my heavenly father and while I still don’t believe He causes such atrocities, I know that He does bring purpose out of them. This is what He is all about: restoring broken things. He is a redeemer of life.

Brenna will go on to tell of her story and Jessie’s story will live on to tell of hers. Both are a story of peace. Both are a story of trust. Both are a story of two families who know their hope can only lie in one place. And that is with a God who will never leave us and never forsake us.
In Jessie’s short fight against cancer she started an organization called NEGU which stands for Never Ever Give Up. Her family continues this fight by raising funds for research and encouraging other kids to NEGU.

You can follow Jessie’s story on Facebook and her website.

https://www.facebook.com/jessicajoyrees

http://www.jessie.org/

Life.

January 21, 2012 – 3:48 pm

Grace, Life

Do you ever find yourself grieving over life sometimes? Not grieving a loss or a failure..but a grieving of this life. I find myself there occasionally!

I am reminded of a friend that prays for patience when it comes to this life. It’s hard to not long for eternity..and when she spoke those words they made perfect sense to me. This friend sees a lot of life’s darkest moments. We all know that we live in a broken world, a place of darkness and greed. Turn on the news. It is apparent in the lives of the “least of these”. Remember them? The ones that Jesus charged us with taking care of and looking out for. Have we failed Him miserably? Have we failed them? In my recent travels I’ve talked to people who believe that when we love one another we don’t fail, they believe and see hope and a future. They see it more clearly than I am able to some days.

Sometimes, I have to close my eyes. Sometimes, I cry from all the images and stories. Stories of cultures that slaughter little girls…for no other reason than they were born the wrong gender. Stories of children dying of malnutrition, dying from dehydration, from cholera, malaria, aids, typhoid. Stories of the millions of children that are stolen and sold into the sex slave trade. Stories of women who are used up and thrown away or used as property or their voices silenced.

It seems like the most heinous crimes of this world are perpetrated against children and women. Do you see them?

Who are their advocates, their protectors?

Who should it be?

Should it be Christ’s church?

Should it be those that call themselves Christians?

Should it be me…..? ….or you? …..or us?

Mother Teresa gives a very real glimpse through her eyes what this life can be…and I am learning…..

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”

…and only with Christ’s sacrifice, great love, and never ending grace does any of it make sense.

kindness.

January 15, 2012 – 8:42 pm

Opinions

Kindness is the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behavior, pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

The world’s definition of kindness. It seems generic to me, an afterthought. It doesn’t seem like it’s very important by that definition. A great idea but a waning concept? How often do we practice kindness in our culture, in our religion, in our every day life? How important is it? Sometimes it’s hard to see in our culture of “me first” and “our right to have an opinion on anything and everyone”.

I’ve thought a lot about kindness today and how often I have failed at being kind to others. I am often opinionated and judgmental. And all that under the guise of being “right”! I’m finding that being right isn’t nearly as important anymore as being kind and loving. My prayers of late have been part confession and part pleading. I no longer want to see kindness as an afterthought. Or something that’s okay when it’s easy but not okay in difficult circumstances….with difficult people….in the midst of difficult days. God has brought me a long way from that selfish person. Not that I don’t have my moments. My prayers for those “moments” have been for God to take from me any words to say! You might be surprised how often I find myself with no words to say! I continue to be a work in progress.

I think the world’s definition of kindness is lacking. I think kindness has become an emotion that is meant to make us feel good. Paying it forward~ somehow we get something out of it. I think God’s definition of kindness is more selfless. Romans 2:4 states that God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance. And the ultimate in kindness… But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

I’m reminded in Galatians 5 that kindness keeps good company. ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. I think there comes a day for each one of us that we realize without a doubt that we can’t continue with the same old destructive habits. When excuses no longer work and our bad behavior should no longer be tolerated. If we truly believe that the Holy Spirit dwells in our heart…..then…..we can’t profess kindness with our words and not have it pour out of our heart through our actions.

There is brokenness in thinking that professing Christianity is enough. If we don’t practice love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control then our lives are not a true reflection of God’s love and grace. We lose our witness and the world sees us as confusing.

I’ve come to a place in my life where all those things are more important than me being right….and I know that didn’t come from my own power. If you know me at all then you know that, too!

And I hope that reflects God’s love and grace!

So it begins….

January 1, 2012 – 4:44 pm

Journey

2012! That sends a little shiver of anticipation or maybe even a little anxiety over me when I wonder where we will find ourselves in this new year! So much has happened in the last year. One high school graduation, one college graduation, two trips to Haiti, different job responsibilities, and a whole lot of learning!

Kayla officially became a “grown-up”, graduated college, living on her own, teaching school, working a second job, and buying a car…oh, and hanging out with Joel.

Seth graduated from Fredericktown, started college at MAC as a music major, and continues to work through a lot of what it means to be responsible for himself! We can all relate to that, right?

Miss Em left elementary school and started intermediate school and spent most of the first semester trying to settle into that change. It hasn’t been as easy for her as it was the older siblings. Being our shy one she’s struggled a little bit with getting her feet under her! She’ll figure it out and be stronger for it.

Michael has been busy as ever but I often wonder how he would be any other way! I noticed this past year a focus to that busyness. More purpose toward God’s plan and not ours. Which I have loved seeing and look forward to the NEXT thing!

There was Haiti…and it changed us all. It made us different, it shifted our world focus. It brought us some painful moments and some moments of absolute joy! It has become part of us. I look forward to sharing Haiti with you this coming year!

Many people have passed in and out of all our lives. Some we knew for just a moment, some we will forever be connected with, and some we will not see again this side of heaven.

This year we moved from a Farmington cell family (through our church~The Bridge Community Church) to a new Fredericktown group that started. We attend this small group weekly with some people that have become very dear to us and we decided as a group that we would start a study on the book of James in December and conclude it at the end of January. It happens to be Beth Moore’s new study of James…..Mercy Triumphs. The guys in our group have been awesome and have even got used to being called “sister” numerous times in an evening. All fun aside….it is changing us all and encouraging us and teaching us. God’s word is mighty, it is a promise, a lesson, it is infallible, it NEVER comes back void, it is everything.

Let that soak in for just a moment! What an amazingly beautiful promise. That verse has been read in my Bible more times than I can count. It provides me so much comfort. But it’s not an easy verse by any means. Be joyful when you have trials? Doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense until you experience that verse and you find joy in the midst of pain. It is only something that God can make right in us. It reminds me that God is so. very. faithful. Beth Moore says “you can live with pain a whole lot better than you can live with purposelessness“. I very much agree. The hardest times for me are when I lose my focus, when I forget who’s business I am about, when I have no purpose. She goes on to say often our passion comes out of pain. We find that thing that we are meant for, we find ourselves sharing our story with those that need to hear it! I am reminded of the promise of heaven, the sacrifice of Jesus, and that my time here is very limited. Painful circumstances have taught me to not wait, to go out and LIVE my life now. Not when my kids are on their own, not when I’ve retired, not someday! NOW!

My prayer is that I will love people better this year, that I will seek God first in every decision of my life, that I will serve better. That I will try and possibly fail but I will try. That I will give more and take less. That God will be glorified in every moment of my life!

My prayer for you…is the same! May God’s blessings and purpose and love pour into your life with this new beginning…this new year…..

Tennis Shoes.

November 27, 2011 – 7:35 pm

Freedom, Haiti

“We prayed for some of the boys who don’t have any shoes to have tennis shoes so they could go to school.” That was the response to my question that day at the orphanage. “We brought some tennis shoes, could we give them to the kids?” I am humbled by that experience. In fact there are moments when I think of that conversation and the tears come and I fall to my knees. I believe that God can do anything. I believe that when we call out to Him in our prayers that He hears us even in the simplest of things.

For those that need him.

But me….I would never think to ask God for tennis shoes. If I need shoes then I go to the store and buy them. See, I live in a strong tower of my own making where asking God for anything only comes when I’ve exhausted all of my own resources. My tower has also protected me from all the messiness of this world. It keeps the people who need a lot of things on the outside of my strong walls. It makes it easy to go about life every day and not think about “the least of these”.

I am broken and confused.

Everything I thought I knew and believed in feels uncomfortable.

God has been tearing down my tower.

I am thankful.

I want to pray for tennis shoes.

I want to pray for little boys who need tennis shoes to go to school.

I want to pray for those little boys to grow up~educated and strong and loving Jesus.

Those prayers as simple as they seem in my western culture…they are mighty prayers that can change lives…that someday will change countries…..through the lives of children who honestly believe all things are possible through Christ.

Through the lives of children not only in Haiti but through the lives of children here in the United States as well. You see~all the shoes we delivered that day in Haiti came from children here in St. Louis at the school our oldest daughter teaches at. They believe that being obedient to God makes a difference. They believe that doing something will help someone. They are correct….I am honored to know them all.

Father~Continue to grow my faith to believe in mighty things! Continue to pour out your love on Haiti…there is hope there! Thank you for tearing down my tower. Wherever you lead, Father, I will follow!

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places.

November 13, 2011 – 8:11 pm

Journey, Relationships

9 Then when you pray, God will answer. You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’ A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places “If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins,10 If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.11 I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry.12 You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. Isaiah 58:9-12

I don’t know what it’s like to get up every day and not have the things I need. I don’t know what it is to be hungry, or homeless, or ignored. I don’t know what it’s like to be a mother raising three girls who’s just lost her husband, in a place where life is very hard. I don’t know what it’s like to be sick and not have healthcare. I don’t know what it is to be uncomfortable. I don’t know what it is to make desperate choices so that my children might live another day. My life is easy. I have been really good at insulating myself from those kind of things. Then Haiti happened to our family and then we met Tia our Compassion child and God took off the blinders I had been wearing. Then, not done with opening my eyes, God sent me to a place that made me uncomfortable and there He gave me joy that I can’t describe. And I don’t ever want to go back to not knowing those things.

Last week I sat across from a mother of three beautiful girls whose husband had just died. She was at the medical clinic I worked and she made sure that each of her three girls were seen and received medicine for what was wrong with them. I noticed the spot on her leg right away. It was infected and it looked like it hurt and I knew it could get a lot worse than it already was. But she never asked for anything for herself, just for the girls, and then she was just going to walk away. It’s funny how God works things out. She was the last person I saw that day. So, we just spent time and didn’t hurry. Unfortunately, communication was difficult, my Kreyol is still very bad. I was grateful for the translator that was with me that day, he was very kind and patient. We took care of the important business of opening the area and cleaning it well and then showing her how to change the dressing everyday. We made sure that she had an antibiotic and something for the pain. She talked very little but did share that her husband had just died and I know that means things will be more difficult for her family. I saw sadness in her spirit that day. Then we finished with God’s most important business~we prayed together. I felt grateful that I met her. I felt grateful for my education and what I knew about healthcare. I felt grateful for the opportunities in my life that I can no longer take for granted. But mostly, I felt grateful that God put us together on that mountainside under the beautiful sunshine that day. I hope I see her again and I pray she is doing well. We saw over 500 people in our medical clinics that week and she was my final person not just that day but for the week. No coincidence.

Please God continue to use my life for your purposes. I know you don’t need me but I’m thankful that you want me. I pray for a full life in the emptiest of places, a life that glows in the darkness. May I never go back only forward. Thank you for Jesus. ~Amen